Intriguing Men

There are certain kind of men that I find intriguing. Out of 50-70 person I have met, perhaps only one that I find very interesting. The kind of person that I find attractive are the ones who are true to themselves. You have to realize that getting someone to like you has nothing to do with the person, but has everything to do with you. There is no point in trying to be someone else. You may wrongly misrepresented yourself and attract the wrong kind of mate. If a person doesn't like/is attracted to you, maybe the person isn't right for you.

Anyway, these are few characteristics that I find intriguing in a man:


1) Doesn't easily get impressed by attractive women

Majority of the guys out there tend to act extra interested at the very sight of an attractive female. When a guy does that, he appeared to be just another guy who is impressed by her beauty and will do anything to get a date with her. Women are used to having such guy around them and therefore, he would just be another person in the crowd of hot-blooded males.

A man who doesn't easily get impressed by attractive-looking women conveys the message that it takes more than looks to impress him. He would appear to be a guy who isn't appear to be easy to please and thus, triggers the curiosity of the woman and she would find herself subconsciously attracted to him.



2) Knows what he wants in life and how to get there

A man who doesn't know what he wants or what to do with his life is definitely a turn-off. A hardworking, determined and intelligent man are traits all women would find attractive. Naturally, in a relationship/marriage, a man is expected to take the lead. If he doesn't know what to do, how to take care of himself and doesn't know how to make the right decisions, how can a woman rely on him?

We all have to face it. Life is also about surviving. Living things need to compete in order for survival. Even animals; whether for shelter, food or a mate. But what makes us different from animals is that the only person we need to challenge is ourselves. A man who frequently test his limits and push himself beyond his boundaries gives women a feeling that he is strong and would to able to tackle anything that would come in their way.

A man can talk all he wants and would do in life. Here comes the question, if you know what you want, how do you get there? Being practical and realistic is also important. If a man fantasizes like a woman does (you know women, they have their fairytales and crazy expectations/desires), both the couple would live in their dreams forever and the woman would frequently complained about what happen to their dreams etc. I do not want to be that kind of woman. I want someone strong enough to run in this race of life. Strong determination with the right sense of rationality that is.


3)Someone who handles criticism well

The eagerness to please is natural to some people. These kind of people are very sensitive to other people's feelings and are very careful about what they say or do. A perfectionist in human relationships, I would say. So what happens when someone throw a criticism or lash at them? They got offended.

What the person would do? Three things. One, start to behave defensively by trying to throw back witty/sarcastic/bang remarks at the other person. Two, ignore and laugh it off. Three, think about why the person has said so.

Option three is brilliant I would say. When a person says something you do not like, think about why did they say so. Is it a criticism that is constructive or just meant to hurt you? We all know that a constructive criticism can be helpful. We do not want more lies or fakeness that would leave us in the dark. If it's just meant to hurt you, do not fall for the trick. Walk away from the fool. Whenever this happens, remember this quote:

"Do not argue with a idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

4)Loves His Family

A man who have dinner regularly with his family, run errands for his parents and take them out sometimes is a man worth a second look. I usually find men who has younger siblings attractive, especially when he takes care of them and take them out sometimes. He gives the picture and idea of creating a happy family.

5) An Intelligent Man

Which woman doesn't like to be in the arms of an intelligent man? An intelligent man is much more attractive than a well-built-body man. Body is something that can be built with suitable diet and tremendous hours in the gym. But intelligence is something more valuable and not easily attainable. We live in the world of 21st century. We are not hunters, we do not need to be extremely physically strong to survive. Very often, the one with the brains is the winner.

Don't get me wrong. I do not mean burying your head in books, hanging around playing mind and strategies is enough. And nevermind the big belly and flabby arms. What I meant is men should not only focus on developing your physical to attract females, they should develop their mind as well to gain a wider perspective in life.

Intelligence is a very subjective word. In fact, there are 8 types of intelligence:

1. Linguistic and verbal intelligence : good with words

2. Logical intelligence: good with maths and logic

3. Spatial intelligence: good with pictures

4. Body/movement intelligence: good with activities

5. Musical intelligence: good with rhythm

6. Interpersonal intelligence: good with communication

7. Intrapersonal intelligence: good with analyzing things

8. Naturalist intelligence: good with understanding natural world

So which intelligence do you have?

I have a talent for identifying intelligence in people. Personally, I would be attracted to logical, body/movement and intrapersonal intelligence. Logical and body/movement because I suck at it. Intrapersonal because usually it's hard for me to find people who can get my jokes or what I meant. It would be fun teasing each other and discussing various issues in life.

6)Well-groomed man

The way you present yourself speaks out who you are. I'd like a man with class.

Short hair. Nicely shaved face. Clean teeth and fingernails. Elegant dressing.(No need silly words or fancy details on the clothes) Watch would be a bonus. The colour of belt matches the shoes.

That's it. Simple. Time to take this guy to meet the family and friends.

And finally,

7)Someone I can be myself with,

Feeling good with someone is hardly about that person, it's about how the person makes you feel about yourself. I bet most of us has heard this quote, "I love you not because of who you are, it's because of who I am when I am with you."

That's it for now. You may or may not agree with the points I stated above. But anyway, thanks again for reading.

Going Under

"Going Under" is one of my favourite songs from Evanescence. I didn't quite understand the lyrics when I was younger until now. It's about being emotional about someone you cannot get over, no matter how hard you try. The phrase "Going Under" means sinking into depression. It's as if you can't help but to dive into a pool of sadness whenever you think of someone, even when the person may not be right for you.

Here are the lyrics:

Verse 1:

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

(There are some things you need to know)

Fifty thousand tears I've cried

(I've cried so much for you)

Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you

(I've been torturing myself so much for you)

And you still won't hear me, going under

(Yet you do not even care)

Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself

(I don't want pity from you, I will help myself)

Maybe I'll wake up for once

(Maybe I will snapped out of it one day from this misery and foolishness)

Not tormented daily, defeated by you

(You have won this battle of love and got control of me)

Just when I thought, I reached the bottom

(Just when I thought I have hit the lowest level of depression until I cannot get any more sad than this)

Chorus:

I dying again, I'm going under

(I am sinking into depression again)

Drowning in you, I'm falling forever

(Drowning in thoughts of you, feels like I can never get over you)

I've got to break through, I'm going under

(I have to stop all these pain)

Verse 2

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

(I mixed up reality with my thoughts)

So I don't know what's real and what's not
(So I don't know what's real and what's not)

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

(I am getting confused, I think I am going insane)

So I can't trust myself anymore

(I don't trust myself anymore)

I'm dying again, I'm going under

Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm going under

Bridge:

So go on and scream

(Go on and push me away, hate me)
Scream at me, I'm so far away

(Yell at me to tell me it's impossible for us again, but I'm far from you now)
I won't be broken again

(I won't let myself get hurt again)
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under

(I need to have my own life, without being held back by you)

Chorus

For A Moment

Since I decided to blog actively in around September, I told myself to update it at least once a week. But I come to realize that the amount of time to write a post takes around 2 hours. (What's with me keep editing it over and over again)That's a high opportunity cost. I could use the time to do an assignment question, a tutorial or at least do some studying.

And I told myself not to mention anything too personal. You hardly see constant updates about my personal feelings, etc. You may see some posts with some revelation of my past, which made the person I am today. But never about how I really feel now. I always think that blog posts should be written in an audience-friendly way, since it is public. Who the heck wants to read about what you do everyday and what silly updates about petty issues/events you have encountered. That is what Facebook status updates and Twitter for.

But today I am going to break the code. I am writing this only for myself. Don't read. This is boring.

A foreigner came to the table where I was eating lunch. He looked at my friend and said, "Abang, boleh bagi duit makan." He was practically begging my friends for money to eat. I was tempted to take out the RM5 note from my purse and give it to him. My friends stopped me and asked me to ignore him. He walked away and continue begging from other tables.

Then my friend exclaimed, "Can work, work la. Why wanna ask for money?"

I can feel my heart crumbled.

One of my friends hired a Bangladesh worker for his newly formed car wash and polish company.

The worker was 4 years older than my friend. And called my friend, "Boss".

I mean I know that is common la, since my friend is the boss. But my friend is only 21 years old.

The worker, let's call him Suresh, once studied in United States for an economics degree but couldn't continue due to his lack of proficiency in English.

Then he came to Malaysia to work as a Toyota car washer.

His boss bullied him, as in always paying him late or not paying him at all.

His pay at Toyota is RM800 a month. He needs to send RM400 to his mother in Bangladesh,pay RM200 for his visa/passport and his rent is almost rm200 a month.

I wondered how he can survive in a month. (He eats at mamak all the time, each of his meal barely cost more than RM3)

During the first 2 weeks of his work at my friend's place, my friend gave him RM400 in advance.

On the way home, halfway in the bus, his friends asked him to get down from the bus and brought him to a corner.

They beat him up, took away all his money and even his handphone. The poor guy has to walk almost 10km to get home.

Imagine that, his own friends.

So when my friends exclaimed that these people should be ignored and the way my friends looked at these people, I felt.....like they do not know how to see things beyond.

God knows what's the story behind this guy.

What put him into a position to beg.

Whether his boss mistreated him or his money got stolen by his own friends.

He is human too, just like anyone of us.

Just much more unlucky than us.

Who would beg if given a choice?

At least he is not stealing or doing any crimes to get money.

And we are blaming these people for the crimes in our country.

I know that you might think I am too gullible and easy to cheat with this kind of thinking.

And I should mind my own business.

There's nothing we can do right?

You're wrong.

The reason why I want to be filthy rich is because of this.

I want to make changes in people's lives.

I want to give opportunity to people who are determined to change their life.

I want to build ladders, not climb them.

As students, we are always being taught how to acquire and what skills we need to have in order to climb corporate ladders, so we can earn a good living.

But who has ever told us to work in order to make a difference in people's lives?

Have we ever been taught to think about others, instead of always ourselves?

It's always about what we want, and we will never get satisfied.

Because human's desires are unlimited.

What about those whose needs are of less?

I want to build a business empire.

I want provide job opportunities for the people out there.

We have poor students who may not be so bright to get a scholarship, but they are determined to learn and earn a living just like us.

I want to provide a job where they can work and study at the same time, if possible, provide a little aid to those eager to expand their knowledge.

I want to provide jobs for housewives who need to find a perfect balance between managing their homes and earning money for the family.

I want to help those who want to help themselves.

I want to teach them to fish, instead of giving them fishes.

I want to provide them education in managing their finances.

But most importantly, the person I need to help first is myself.

I am willing to forgo buying Iphone 4 or a fancy car for the sake of investing in assets that can generate me positive cash flows.

I am very close to achieving my target for these 3 months.

I am a truly blessed person I would say.

Craps has been happening to me since this year June, and I blame it on the new mole on the back of my neck. LOL.

I removed it two days ago. It was a "burden" mole.

She asked to remove another mole on my neck, below my chin.

It was a "tiada untung" mole.

No Wonder everytime I earn a sum of money, it goes OFF. Like it was earned to be Spent.

Take for example, I earned rm700 from an insurance case. RM600 was being paid for my car breakdowns.

I earn rm100 for the Japanese tour guide thing, rm70 goes to my medical bill.

I earn a sum of money (I'm not gonna tell) from the property project, and it's gonna be used for my education fee next semester because I will not be getting my Ptptn loan next year.

Oh yeah, I'll get back to the blessing part.

I wanna thank few people who made my life meaningful.

First of all,

Mother. (mother always comes first lol)

Thanks for always supporting me. For saving my ass all the time. For not yelling at me when I fail my exam. Thanks for being understanding. No words can describe my love and appreciation for you.

Joanna

You are my truly best friend. It has been years, and you are always there for me. I may have done some sh*ts in the past, and you stood by me no matter what. For this, I pledge my loyalty to you. If one day, if you fall into the sea, I will jump in to rescue you even if I don't know how to swim, so you can use my dead body as a float. If you need an organ transplant, I will donate my organ to you without hesitation. If you badly need financial aid, I will go an extra length for you to get the money you need. Just promise me one thing, always be my best friend.

Wai Kin, k7, Boon Swan, Mun Fhoong, Shah, Kim Hoong, Willy

You guys are awesome. I don't know what I'll do without you guys. You gave me a reason to laugh. You have seen me in and out of relationships (with the same guy or different guy lol) but gave me support all the way. I never regret going out with you guys. You guys play a very important role in my life. And no matter what, it's a promise, I will not ditch you guys when I get a new boyfriend. LOL. Wai kin, remember you promise me to buy a chow chow when you earn your first pay. Mun fhoong, you promised me to take me for a ride when you buy a new bike. Europe back packing! Here we come!

My sister, Hui Li

You monkey, I know you don't read my blog because you think that there are TOO much words.

I love you, you complete me. Although you're always sucking money from me. You can do things which I perceived difficult to do. I completely adore you. But please do learn to take care of yourself.

My boss, Ananda

You may be amused that I stayed in the company although there a few people already going in and out. But the reason I stayed is you. You took care of me well, go an extra length for me, taught me many valuable things (I have become more financial literate because of you) and take bullets for me from customers who attacked me.

I appreciate your sincerity and concern for me. You are truly one of a kind. A rare gem in this financial industry. And my life.

UTAR Friends

I am sorry for my MIA behaviour throughout my years in university. It's you guys who save my ass all the time. You guys know who you are. My university years are wonderful because of you guys. While the world is cruel out there, innocence, love and true friendship are what I've found in you guys.

Kai Kang

I may have not given you definite answers. But I want you to know that you meant a lot to me. You played a huge role in shaping the person who I am today. ( I know you don't read blogs too)

I think that should be all, the ones who made me feel life is worth living. I know, what the heck, I am talking as if I am going to leave the world soon. But just for a moment, I want to remember how blessed I am.

Dating At This Age 2

Disclaimer: This post may contain sensitive issues that may not be suitable for just anybody. Please do not judge me and conclude all of the experiences stated below are mine or a specific person's.


Everyone has a dream since young. We build that dreams in the most beautiful way as we could because as children, we have very creative and imaginative minds. And these dreams were slowly forgotten, pieces of them were remembered once in a while, then we slowly add in a little more details, probably sharpen off the unrealistic bits, we spend some time lingering in those thoughts and soon forgotten about them again. Unknown to us, our conscious mind may not spell out every single detail of our needs and wants, but our dear subconscious keeps those pieces and occasionally projected them out in our dreams. That's when we will wake up and realize something.



Some of us are eager to know how does it feels like to love and to be loved. It sounds and looks beautiful. Enough of watching and hearing about it. It's time to walk on that path, with someone holding your hand this time, picking you up when you fall down, tells you that you are wonderful even though you feel bad about yourself and gives you kisses that send butterflies and even fireflies fluttering in your body. And the best part is? You will not feel so alone anymore.


This is going to be a post about a relationship that teenagers have. Relationships during teenage years or adolescence are very memorable and sweet because it was not only a journey of searching for the right one, it is also a journey of finding your identity.

It could happen during high school or early college days. It may or may not be your first love, but it was your first real relationship. You may have felt the the similiar kind of experience from the range of 13 to 19 years old.

There is this guy who has been nice to you lately. He helps you out, calls you everyday, drops by whenever he has the chance and makes you laugh. He listens to your rants about your family, friends and studies. He gives you cute little gifts and when you asked what is it for, he claimed that it is for fun. And another thing, you also find him cute. Without realizing it, you suddenly feel "addicted" to him. You start to blush whenever he is near or when he teases you. Out of the sudden, he becomes the reason that you forward to each day. When he finally confesses to you, it's as if your childhood dreams has come true. He treats you like your princess, he holds your little hand, he hugs you and you find yourself go red whenever he kisses your cheek.


You brought him home one day, telling your parents that this is a friend who will help you with your homework or fix your computer. Your parents asked if that is your boyfriend, and before you could answer, they have already showed signs of disapproval. What's worse is, the phone bills are soaring high and they are scolding you for it. They asked who are you calling, you claimed that it's your best friend.


You told your boyfriend about the situation. He was cool enough and courageous enough. He tried to make all the effort to be the one calling and tried winning your parent's hearts by bringing them gifts during festive seasons or celebrations. He also agreed to run errands for them. You were touched and believed that this is the guy you want to spend your life with. Both of you could be Romeo and Juliet, without the tragedy.



What you didn't know is that how much trouble he has been through to get that special gift for you during celebrations and the amount of time he spent planning a surprise for you and making sure things go well. You didn't know how serious and frequent arguments he had with his family for always going out, spending money, not spending enough time with the family, expensive phone bills and using the car. He may looked like a fierce rock when he came and picked you up. You asked him what is wrong. Sometimes he just muttered that he got nagged by his parents. Sometimes he just shook his head. Then things go smoothly as before.

You also didn't know how often he thinks about you, how he describes you to his friends and the feeling you gave him. Like you were his everything. Protecting you comes first in his mind, making you happy comes next.

Time passed and soon your family starts to accept him, although occasionally warns you not to hang around alone with him too much. His family loves you, they treat you as if you are their daughter. Sometimes, they refer you as their "daughter-in-law". You refer them as your "second" family. You can't help but to feel warmth all over.

Family acceptance obstacle is over. Both of you are relieved and finally you could go for a vacation together. This is wonderful because you are always excited about going vacation with him. Pictures were taken. Lots of them.



The honeymoon period starts to fade. You start noticing his flaws. You occassionally make remarks about it. He listens to you at first, but after some time, he seem ignorant about it.
He used to call often. But now he only call once a day or leave a message. You used to spend long time on the phone, but now just a few minutes.

Conversations start to get dry.
"How is your day?"
You guys talk about good stuff and bad stuff but mostly bad stuff because there is lack of response towards good stuff.
By telling bad stuff, you get more comfort from the other half or there would be a discussion to it, and thus, have a longer conversation.
Keeping in touch has become a chore, not a hobby anymore.

Jealousy starts to become an issue.

He used to have his eyes only on you and compliment you every time you guys go out on a date.

Now his eyes start wandering, checking out other girls.

Sometimes you gave him a kick or an elbow nudge.

He just turned to you and exclaimed,

"What?"

Sometimes you sulked and he wondered why you're upset.

Sometimes he assured you, sometimes you guys just end up arguing.

He has start to become controlling too.

"Who is.......?"

"Don't go out with this guy, he is bad etc etc.."

"Why are you wearing like this? Better wear something more covered-up"

Both of you start become each other "parents".

There goes the struggle for dominance, trying to prove each other's point is right.

You get mad with each other when your other half do not understand your "intentions".

After solving every argument, things get back to normal.

They say, the more you argue, the better your relationship becomes.

But for your case, the more you argue, the less faith you have in the relationship.

You start to wonder if both of you were really right for each other.

How come you guys aren't like other couples?

You start making comparisons.

You start believing that the grass may be greener on the other side.

Break-ups do not happen suddenly.

Break-ups happen when one person has already made up one's mind after thinking for some time.

It takes two person to start a relationship, but one person to end it.

The other half who didn't put much thought that the relationship would really end, becomes very shocked.

Or either that, the other half has always fear that this would end but refused to believe it.

The one who has been thinking about the breakup waits for the opportunity, prays that one day the "Romeo & Juliet" feelings would come back.

Better still, the other half should change into a better person and put more effort in the relationship so you can once have faith in it again.

But it just happened this time. It ended. Few possible situations:

1)Arguments.

One person threatens for break-up.

Another says "Alright, fine!" and left.

The one asked for breakup stormed off.

2)One person cheated on another.

The person who cheats is the one who asked for breakup.

The other half is shocked, before he/she could say anything, scold, cry or forgive the one who is found guilty, that person has already left.

3)Mutual Agreement.

"Let's have a break for some time, and see how things go later."

Let's review each of the situation.

1)Arguments

Let's put it in this way. Girl and guy are arguing. Girl was over-reacting. Guy gets very fed-up and helpless, finally he asked for a breakup. Girl agrees and walk away. Although Girl is upset that he asked for a breakup, Girl was actually waiting for this and was secretly very relieved to be finally free from this relationship. And besides, it was not her who is asking for the break-up, it's him. So it's his fault. Girl is the one that has been always thinking about breakup, she is relieved that someone has already made the decision so there is nothing left to figure out. She is ready to lead a new life.

Guy felt helpless because he did not know what to do anymore. He felt maybe it is best to give each some space for awhile. Maybe she will figure out someday. Maybe he would figure out too.

Guy thought this may be temporary, as it always has been. He never thought this relationship would really end. After some time, he comes back to her and asked back for her hand. She refused to. She reminded him that they are not a couple anymore. Reality starts to hit guy. This relationship has really ended for good. He tries pleading her, using whatever nice way he can think of to ask her to come back. She strongly stands on her ground. He gets angry and frustrated. Vulgar and mean words start coming out. He started yelling at her. Girl was terrified. But it was a reason good enough to run away.

As Girl runs away, Guy brutally throws rotten words at her as he chased her. Girl is frightened and kept avoiding him. When Guy couldn't talk to Girl, at least he could talk about her. Anything bad, her weaknesses, her habits has been revealed to most of the circle of their friends.

Girl finds out, and never want to speak to Guy again or ever wants to see him again.

Guy starts to get desperate. He could not let go of all the years and memories they had together. He start regretting for not giving enough. He wants to talk to Girl again. He is tired of talking about her. He started being nice to Girl. Girl ignored his "nice" offers. It's as if he was invisible. Not there. Guy gets very angry and stormed off. And he tells his friends what a heartless bitch she was. He could not understand why they could not even be friends.

You see, the situation is like this. Girl has made up her mind that she wants to let go the relationship. Guy cannot accept the fact. Girl uses the excuse that he dumped her to make him feel guilty and to make herself feel better. Guy's mistake was scaring the girl off with his anger and frustration. Girl made up her mind that he is not the right one for her. Guy makes another mistake by telling people about what a bitch she was. Girl decided that she never wants to speak or see him anymore.

2)Cheating

He was so close to you right now, no, not your boyfriend, that guy you have been have the "hots" for weeks. How come your boyfriend never make you feel like this? You feel wasted not being single, and with this guy now, who you set your eyes on, he has shown interest in you too.

You cannot help it, the urge is strong and the moment is right.

He leaned down and kissed you. You cannot resist, oh no, you do not want to resist. If fact, you want this. You kissed him back.

It feels so good.

When it ended, it's as if you finally knew what you wanted. You want freedom. From the relationship you are having now.

You called your boyfriend and broke down the news to him. And told him everything.

He listened and asked straightforward questions.

You answered them all truthfully. You didn't even bother to lie.

What you have done is that; you left the poor man hanging. Both of you have spent years building a ship, a ship that is meant to sail in this sea of life. Both of you are suppose to manage this ship together, but he is alone. You just suddenly left without a warning. He is still trying to make sense of what has just happened. When you left, he tried sailing the ship alone. He failed to realize that the ship is already sinking, your relationship that is. If only he wakes up and escape from the ship, otherwise he is end up drowning in the sea that both of you promise to go through together.

3)Mutual Agreement

After discussing for a long time, you have finally come into agreement with him that you guys should take a break, and explore other life options as well. There is nothing wrong with your relationship, nothing wrong with your guy as well. That's the problem.

The relationship does not promote growth anymore.

In fact, it actually hinders your growth. You spent too much time committing yourself to the relationship and for once, you want time for yourself. You want to focus more on your studies, get better grades, hang out more with your friends, pick up a new hobby or just for once, some time for yourself. And maybe, maybe you might meet someone new too. Someone who might be "The One" for you.

But you can't help feeling sad. Feeling sad of letting go a relationship which was once so perfect. Because he might just be the right one for you. What if he gets another girl and marry her?

You shake that thoughts away.

Those years you spent together, suddenly now you are unfamiliar with where you are standing now.

You wake up, thinking that you still have him.

Then, later realized it's no more.

You cried everytime you are alone, when nobody is looking.

Because someone used to be there for you and not anymore.

You never knew how lonely you would feel without him.

But this is something you asked for right?

Why are you feeling so upset?

Because you missed him so much.

You may want him back so badly, but you fight the urge.

Because for once, you are learning to grow up without him,

without having consider about anything else except for what you really want in life.

And for once, live the life the way you want it to.

Not all relationships at young age ends with a heartache. Some successfully ride into marriage.

Some has made fairytales to become a reality.

Dating comes in joy and also sadness. Because if you didn't know what sadness is, you wouldn't know how good joy feels. If you never experience pain, you will never know what is pleasure. If you haven't met the wrong one, how else would you know if the next person is right? If someone hurt your feelings before, you learn how not to hurt someone's feelings.

Having a relationship at this age is a natural learning process and desire. It's part of growing up.
You can never undo the past, but you can create a more beautiful future.

Falling in love is something you cannot control. But when you fall, bear in mind that while you're ready to feel more joy in your life, you must be ready to get hurt as well. It's part of a deal.

If you're not ready to get your heart broken again, perhaps you should let it heal and give to someone who will be worth it.

I would like to conclude that sadness, disappointment, intense anger in the relationship from situation 1 and 2 are resulted from immaturity. It's our young minds that caused us to be impulsive without considering the consequences of our actions. Thus, breaks another person's heart at the same time broke ours as well. Let's learn to forgive the ones who broke our hearts and forgive ourselves for breaking other people's heart.

It's always wise to be friends with ex-lovers, especially when it was a meaningful relationship.

Because they remind you of who you used to be. They may have already left you, but a part of them still remains in you. And that part will stay in you forever. That is the part you need to stay strong and move on with life.

Adolescent is the period where you create an identity that would last for a lifetime. When we have finally created an identity for ourselves, we will be clearer of what we want in life. Thus, eventually, finds "The One", someone whom we can truly be ourselves with.

Chillex- Gigantor Challenge

While we were having birthday dinner for Willy on Friday, we came across this Gigantor Challenge. It is a challenge whereby you have to finish the gigantic burger in 20 minutes. The prize being offered was RM350 cash, free meal and Hall of Fame. If you lose, you have to pay rm64.90 for the burger. Our bapak was always known as a big eater, so as a family, we encourage him to take up the challenge.

We all meet up at Chillex, Puchong around 1.30pm+. This time we brought along my beautiful sister, Hayley and Michael.

The burger was Huge.

Family supporting father.

Father starting his task.



Me and my beautiful sister, Hayley. She kinda looks like Nicole Scherzinger from Pussycat Dolls.

While waiting for Father to finish his burger challenge, we start roleplaying and taking pictures.

Scene 1

Princess Hayley is waiting for her man to come.

She is so excited to be able to see him after a long time.

Her man, Robin Hood, finally came and they stared into each other's eyes.

She breaks the news to him as she whispers, "I'm pregnant with your monster."

Robin Hood is overwhelmed and asked for her hand in marriage.

Scene 2

She is alone.

She is not alone anymore.

Haha. I ran out of ideas. Anyway, while we're done with our nonsense, we went and check out how is father doing.

He is almost done!

And yes, yes, HE MADE IT!!! CHEERS TO THE FAMILY MAN!!

We're Kidding. Father didn't finish the burger because the patty was too cakey and it made him want to puke. It was a disappointment that the burger does not taste as good as the ones they usually served. I guess that's the catch for being the competition.

So? The rest of the family members become scavengers by finishing the burger.

Nevertheless, we still have fun. Chillex.

Mizuno Wave Run 2010

I was never really an athletic kind of a person. I am the kind of person who prefers to use her gray matter than her other body parts.

Never excelled in sports during primary/secondary school.
Excelled more in academics and more active in competitions that required speaking, writing or performing. In short, yes, I am a nerd.



But somewhere around Form 2, I realized one thing. I may have gotten last or second last in short distance races, such as 100m and 400m. But i usually get top 5 in 800m, 1500m and 3000m in my school. It's amazing how I beat my other girlfriends (whom are much better in all kinds of sports and much sexier) in long distance races and how I got number 4 in cross-country for 3 years in a row. Maybe I got larger lungs.

So when someone asked me to join this Mizuno run which is about 11km, why not?
I bet I could survive it.



This is the route.



So at 5.30am, Meng Leong with his bionic ex-schoolmate, Khai Sim picked me up and we head for UPM. We reached there pretty early, around one hour.









So the flag off was at 7.15am (for the females) and 7.25am (for the males).



There we go. Run, run, run.






I ran at a constant pace, as what I have trained in the gym. I usually targeted myself 5km for 30-35 minutes. The most I have trained was 7km for around 40 minutes plus.

However, after 5km plus, I felt like dying. I could not run at that pace anymore.
I started pushing myself but my body was not being cooperative.
I was frustrated, angry at myself and started blaming myself for everything.
Why didn't I train hard enough?
My parents and other friends were shocked when I said I was going for the run.
They asked if I could handle it.
I replied, "Yeah! Why not?"
But there I was struggling to keep up, with more and more people cutting ahead of me.
I was actually determined to get a medal back. But I know I would fail to do so.

I feel like waving to fellow people on the ambulance or the people on the bikes to take me back.
God knows where they would take me.
And besides, stopping means quitting. Quitting would be the last thing I would do.

I feel like a vacuum cleaner. I suck.
Perhaps I could find a cliff to jump from. No face to face the world already.
I was looking everywhere but could not find a perfect place to jump from.
I started hating myself.
Why did I brought myself to this?
Why do I always pretend that I can do things, without making sure of my capabilities?
Why do I always take on too many offers, work, projects when I could not manage them all properly?
Why do I always hide my feelings, and worse still, pretend about things, and thus, wrongly misrepresented myself?
Why do I always pretend to be strong?
But in fact, I am a weak. With no special capabilities, talents, whatsoever.
Once again, my confidence shattered. I felt I had hit rock bottom of my soul, to the point of giving up.

Then, I remembered what Meng Leong said:
"Try to take it slow. Don't push yourself too hard. This is your first time. It is important that you finish the run. Try not to get lost. I wouldn't know how to find you then."

I realized getting lost is more pathetic than not getting a medal. So I jogged at a slower pace with his words ringing in my head. "Focus on what you are doing, not on your goals, you will be able to perform better then".

I remembered the story he told me about. The journey of his althletics.
About how hard he trained, how determined he was and his many achievements.
Whenever you mentioned his name, "a great athlete", people would say.
His qualities are very much admirable and rare to find these days.

My mom once said that the best thing about me is that I do not quit easily.
She said that I was a survivor.
There was once in Standard 4, I came home crying because I got 64% for my Pemahaman.
I withdrawn myself for awhile, bought many BM exercise books and eventually scored 90% + , although it took almost two years for me to achieve that kind of result.
I got the "Murid Terbaik" award and also for the best written karangan.
Sometimes, I came home looking depressed with my job.
Bank jobs are very stressful. But the knowledge and experience you gained are priceless.
She told me countless times to quit my job and focus on my studies.
But I insisted to stay by convincing her on my vision.

I guess it didn't matter now if I didn't get a medal.
Failing once doesn't mean failure in the future too.
As long as I completed the run.

As I walked and jogged, I happily waved and smiled back at other runners.
I gave thumbs-ups to the a woman holding her little daughter's hand (around 7-8 years old i guess) as they tried to continue moving on with their worn-out faces. The woman smiled back at me.
I posed for photographers, with "peace" and "thumbs-up" signs.
I started to enjoy myself very much.

Finally, I reached the finishing line. And guess what?


Not a medal, but two.

I am kidding. Those were Meng Leong's and Khai Sim's medals.

They achieved a remarkable record of 55 mins and 78 mins each. Great job, guys!




I got the idea of posing with their medals from these runners from Philippines.

Haha...they are cool people. One of the guys look like the tattoo guy from "The Expendables" with his shoulder length hair.

I ended the run with Xin Wei, whom is few seconds ahead of me.

Some pictures with friends.

Then, we're off to have brunch at Bandar Puteri, Puchong. Wanted to have lunch at Chillex, but sadly, it was closed.

So we end up having brunch at Old Town.


Khai Sim's food



Meng Leong drinking like a small thirsty boy.



Khai Sim posing for Meng Leong.


And me, refusing to look at the camera.

This is my first time joining a run and it was a wonderful experience.
Would I go for another run? Well, count me in!