The Break-Up

A break-up is hard to get over, depends on the length of the relationship and how much hopes you have for it. People say that the amount of time needed to get over someone is half the time you guys are together, which is untrue.

What determines how fast or how easy to get over someone is based on two factors:

1) During the time you were with your partner, how often you spent time together.

2) How high your beliefs that that someone is "The One" for you

They say that girls nowadays are easier to move on after a relationship than a guy. Guys tend to have more difficulties moving on. By looking around, I see that is quite true.

Whenever a breakup occurs, usually the guy is the one to blame. Like he isn't being considerate enough or good enough or isn't doing enough.

Unlike girls, most guy suffer in silence. They would rarely talk about their breakups even if they do, they talk to very few people; unlike the girl who talks to almost everyone she knew and asked about their breakup. In other words, the girl gets more support which increases her speed of recovery.

Plus, if the girl is a decent looking one, another guy is bound to sweep her off her feet; making her feel all wanted again. Who knows, there is another guy eyeing her even before she breaks up and start charging towards her.

You might say that after a breakup, not only guys would "chase" the newly single girl, girls would also "chase" the newly single guy. Though it's true, it does not help the recovery of the breakup. Because guys love challenges, most guys want to be the one to chase. Girls who offered themselves would only be used temporarily when they are lonely. After breaking the girl's heart, the guy is back to square one again; being depressed.

There are five stages which you would occur after breakup:

1)Denial- You denied everything that has happened. You believed that it is only a bad nightmare or only temporary.

2)Anger- You tried to patch things up with your ex but your ex refused to. You are very angered that the ex does not even want to try to work things out.

3)Bargain- You tried begging for your ex back, promising you would change.

4)Depression- After the bargaining failed, you sink into depression. You felt lost and deeply wounded. Sometimes you start to wonder if you're not worth the second chance.

5)Acceptance- You come to accept that the relationship is over. You had already forgiven yourself and the ex and ready to move to the next chapter of your life.

These stages may repeat itself over again and often the person stays too long in stage 4.

The key for recovery is at stage 4. Sometimes, it could be disasterous if the person stays too long in that stage.

Let's go back to the factors of recovery.

1) The amount of time spent together.

How often you spent time together. If you used to spent so much of time with each other, the chances of you recovering quickly is very low. Your bedroom, the living room, your car, the places that you often visit, it is haunted by the images of your ex. Your heart silently shrieked in loneliness. Everything doesn't feel right.

During the time you guys spent together, you have given up the previous life you used to have to be together with your beloved. So your new life with your beloved is somehow combined, customized in order to make the relationship work. After the breakup, you felt lost. The worst loss isn't the person or the life you miss; it's you. Before you got together with your beloved, you were someone else. After getting together with her, you also became someone else.(During a relationship, we learnt the art of giving and taking, and found the softer,more emotional side of us to share with them) After the breakup, you don't know who you are.

Because suddenly you had too much free time.

This lost feeling, the sudden confusion and loneliness;

Made you believe that it will go away if you get back your ex again.

Recovery from the pain is not the main objective to feel okay again.

Pain will always be there, whether more or less significantly felt.

Your main goal is to build a new life again, a new you again.

Once you get used to the new lifestyle,

Then you'll feel okay again.

This new life you built; once you had successfully built it,

You wouldn't want your ex back again.

"Out of sight, out of mind."

Put away all things that remind you and your ex.

Even the pictures.

Hide them somewhere else or remove it.

There is no need to remove your ex from social networks,

Just hide them from your newsfeed.

Learn something that you always wanted to learn.

Sharpen skills that you are naturally good at.

Get a job that you'll love.

Hangout with friends but don't talk about relationships.

Laugh about nothingness.

When the night comes, don't feel lonely.

Talk to someone but not about the relationship.

Don't listen to sad songs.

Do some exercise to get you tired.

Read a book.

Or play some stupid games to make you tired.

On the other side, if you rarely spent time together during the relationship, it would be much easier to get over someone.

2) How high your beliefs that someone is "The One" for you

The more you idealize that someone is the one for you,

The more you believe that you couldn't find anyone like that again,

The harder for you to get over it.

If someone has cheated on you or left you for someone else,

Then there is no need for second thoughts.

Let the loser take away your liability.

Everything that happened, happened for a reason.

Because God may have a better plan for you than to be stucked in that intoxicated relationship.

Ever wondered how some people can get over their exes so quickly?

Because they just knew that the exes weren't right for them

And they are not going to justify and question it over and over again.

Being the "Indifferent Ex" is much cooler than the "Psycho Ex."

In conclusion, one must learn to let go, to accept that it is over and to stop believing they could feel okay again if they got back their ex.

Increase your self-worth and value, invest in yourself, as you are the best and greatest asset you would ever have.

Forget about increasing your self-esteem or to cure that loneliness by getting someone new.

It's just a waste of time investing in other people.

Hadn't you had enough?

Let love come naturally, when you learnt to accept and love your new self.

Disclaimer: I WILL not be liable for any inaccuracies or loss suffered based on the information given. I am not a certificated counsellor or psychologist. I do not even hold a degree in psychology. So be it, read it, practise it, question it or deny it, really, it's none of my business.