I have been meaning to write about this since end of last year. This post will be rather similar to Dating at This Age but in a more in-depth version of it. Of what a relationship really is to many people and to what they are searching for.
To some people, a relationship signifies the validation of a person's identity.
"Am I worthy of love?"
"Am I lovable?"
"Am I desirable?"
Like a beautiful lady a man could be attracted to besides the admiration of her beauty, the ability to secure a relationship with her somewhat lifts his self-esteem and value as well. People would look at him and ask, "How on earth could he get her?!"
Because jealousy from the same sex, his competitors, the male population is much more satisfying than admiration from a group of females. It would also somewhat reflect his class, his standards and his worth as a whole.
But for some men, it takes more than looks to secure his interest. Like the ability of a woman to hold a conversation, her sense of humour and her appetite for life.
A validation of identity.
Do people like who they are when they are with a person in a particular relationship?
Do you both laugh a lot?
Do you like doing a number of similar things together?
Do you feel like you could say anything?
Are you comfortable having the person near without a conversation?
You jump from one relationship to another.
Constantly searching for something.
Searching for yourself in every relationship you were in.
How do you feel when you're with that person?
Are you happy?
When you feel unsatisfied, you left.
Because you don't like the way you are when you are with that person.
Life is really about us.
Like for example, a man likes being around a woman who sometimes needs his help.
It makes him feel like a man.
To do the things she is less capable of.
The same goes to the ladies.
She likes a man who can make her feel like a woman.
Not a tool, not a trophy only meant to be shown off.
But some people took it the wrong way.
Some people stayed in bad relationships because they fear.
Fear of being alone, fear of losing themselves, the validation of their identity, and fear to try again.
They do not believe that it is possible for themselves to find someone else better for them.
These people disliked themselves so much that they think other people wouldn't love and appreciate them if they knew who they really are.
This explains why some women fear when she is reaching her late twenties and so on.
That she would just grab any man that kneel before for her hand in marriage.
Or why she would be willing to marry her abusive boyfriend.
A woman somewhat validates herself by staying in a bad relationship.
For men, its the screwing around marathon.
It's the alpha male's ego.
To spread their seed around town.
Behind all those joys and excitements of lust,
There lies an insecure little boy.
Sex may be just sex, what he is exposing is not a deadly tool,
But the most vulnerable part of him.
The most vulnerable part of him isn't hidden like a female's.
It is exposed.
It needs to feel loved and that others would want it.
That is how they get their validation.
We could not blame all these men and women for their actions as a result of their insecurities.
We were hardly taught by our family, teachers and society as a whole on how to love ourselves and how to love somebody.
Thanks to the media, women are portrayed as the one who always need to be saved.
So therefore, she has to act passive and submissive.
Thanks to the superheroes like Iron Man and Batman,
A man has to have luxurious cars, mansions and many women throwing their kittens around him to make him feel on top of the world.
Is there anything wrong with it?
Not really.
Except that it creates an idea of a somewhat perfect identity one should have.
Who do you want to be?
And how do you see yourself when you are in that relationship?
Is the price you pay for that validation worth it?
If you aren't happy on your own,
And believe that you need to find someone in order to be happy,
It's time for you to check,
Love and pay more attention to yourself.
If you couldn't even date yourself,
Why would anyone wanna date you?
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