Flipside

It has been ages since I actually write.
But I have been through alot of changes lately, and I am still changing.
Youth is the time where you take risks and you explore, make mistakes and learn.
And at 22, this is a very critical stage of life for me.
I am morphing, changing and trying to re-create the person I want to be.
Maybe it's just me,
My craziness and insanity is difficult to take by many.

I am young, curious and sensitive.
I used to think I can take criticisms well,
But this at confusing low point of myself where I need to bring myself up,
Where I try to redefine me, where I try to make myself feel valuable again,
I do not need people to bring me down.
I may be difficult to take,
I know that for a fact,
I do not trust people easily, though I appear to be nice to most people,
And I placed high value on certain things,
And those who can accept me for who I am,
Who encourages me and stick by me,
I swear I'll do anything for them,
Even if I have to sacrifice anything; body, money,time  etc

There are people in my life that I have decided to shut out.
They meant alot to me,
And maybe because I disappoint them a lot,
They use harsh and insensitive words towards me,
And not giving me the support I need to go through this difficult phase of life.
I feel like they are threats to my identity,
I feel like they are judging me every single step I am about to take,
I feel betrayed, for opening up so much to them only for them to pierce me back,
I feel like I disappointed them.

I may be at fault for their behaviour towards me,
But I never done anything to hurt them personally,
And this withdrawal may gonna hurt,

Maybe one day, when I am complete,
I can go back to them and truly enjoy time with them without thinking about flying,
Though they might not be my side through this journey,
I would still thank them for bearing with me for a long time,
People have limits, don't they?

On a different note,
Just a quick update on what I have been doing lately.
I am trying to study for my finals which is coming very soon,
I need to score both subjects at least A- for me to hit a targeted cgpa,
In order for me to get a scholarship for masters.
My first step in maximizing my coursework marks has been successful,
I got A and A- each.

I am trying to lose weight.
After my exam in May,
I swam 6 days a week, 20 laps.
Managed to drop about 2kg and see a little shape on my abs,
But gained additional 3kg when my friends came back from overseas and all the late night supper and all the delicious food we treated ourselves with.
I tried exercising again, trying to step up my game,
But I get very hungry and most of the time, my efforts get wasted.

I see most girls lose weight by dieting.
And I tried to do the same.
I discovered this detox diet called the "Master Cleanse Diet"
Which is a liquid diet for 10 days.
The mixture of liquid contain sufficient nutrients for one to survive.
I am at my day 3, still surviving, though I can't stop thinking of food.
And yesterday when I weighed, I lose 2kgs in 2 days.
Although the half of the weight may come back once I start eating solid food,
I decided to control my intake well and choose healthier options in order to maintain the weight loss.

Besides that, I have also decided to not take the employment path,
I will embark on my journey of being an entrepreneur,
It may not be easy, but it will be very rewarding.

I know I can get extreme in the things I do,
But what's life if you don't push yourself to your limits?
If you cannot accept me, that would be something I cannot be bothered to deal with.