Dating At This Age

I am going to make this post really fast, because I am sleepy and I have been procrastinating on studying a lot. So yeah....there will be no editing and filtering, and whatever.

When I was younger, in primary school, I tend to be a bully. I chased boys around and beat them up. Boys were terrified of me and have crushes on many girls except for me. They were like "So Garang. No wonder no boys like."

As long I go around beating guys, looking for new victims to torture, I realized one thing. I was extremely attracted to guys who never seem bothered at all by my "torture". There are two guys in particular, they just looked at me and smiled, never bothered to fight back. I was stunned. And there goes my little heart screaming, "He's the one! He's the one!" I start getting rather obsessive and I know that it will go no where, because I never know that it is possible to have relationship at a young age.

Then at 13 years old, there are a few puppy love here and there. Never lasted, apparently guys seem to be more attracted to my girlfriends than me. I was ugly, I suppose. Spectacles, curly hair and fair. Like some white nerdy chick.

At 14 years old, I got into a relationship with a guy I have spoken for a year online, whom is an elder brother of my best friend's classmate. I never expected it to last for 6 years. I was amazed throughout these years, on what this particular guy sees in me that no one has not able to see. We broke off somehow in the middle of this year.

This thing, we call "love".. What is it actually? Sparks? Fireworks? Infatuations? The One?

Why are we in a relationship? Because almost everyone seem to be having someone, and therefore our lives can only be complete with that "special" someone. I don't believe in all these crap.

"Sparks" is an idea of whom you thought the person would be the moment you saw them. You fall deeply and become very obsessed with that person. The more unreachable that person is, the more desirable that person becomes, to you. When you get to know them better, you start to notice their flaws and very often what you expect is different from reality itself. That's why it never last.

Infatuation is when you communicate with someone, suddenly the moons and stars start to align, it's like you have the same connection wire. And you tell yourself, "This might be it! This might be it!" Then, "Oh noo....this doesn't feel right." Because it doesn't align with your expectations as well.

"The One". I have no idea about this actually. I don't quite believe in this neither. But I believe in true love. And what is true love? I think I have experienced it before.

So what's with all this fuss of being in a relationship?

Do you get upset being single? Do you get sad whenever that person you are chasing after does not felt the same way as you?

Do you get hurt while being in a relationship? Do you fall into depression whenever a break-up occurs?

Do you feel proud showing the world who your other half is? Do you blush when you friends tell you how jealous they are with your relationship?

Whenever you experience hardships, there is someone to think about, who would always be there for you to listen and comfort you. And then when you meet beloved to tell your stories, it happens to be a different situation. You felt disappointed and get very frustrated.

Oh and then girls.....they have certain expectations of what boyfriends should do. Anniversaries, birthdays, valentines, and Blah.

Being in a relationship, you must call each other everyday, meet up as often as possible, to show that you care. Love not only your other half, but your other half's family and friends as well. To show commitment.

You spend less time with your friends and less time on your hobbies & interests. Any excess time is dedicated to your beloved. The extra cash you have too, is being spent on him/her.

Oh, don't forget the jealousies and insecurities which drive arguments. Which spoils your mood to lead another stressful day of life, whether it's studies or work. And affect your performance as well.

So Why do people want to get into relationships?

To feel happy when you have someone to think about, talk to and also to hold?
Are you looking for someone who can make you feel whole?
Someone who compliments you, and you tell others.. "That's my baby..."
And people goo.... "Wooohhhh...you are sure one lucky person!"
Are you seeking admiration and trying to prove to society that you can fit in and you can find someone to call "MINE".

But when you are in a relationship, you have to admit. It felt very differently. Sometimes you want to run away, or probably want to have a break from it. You get frustrated, confused and depressed when what you thought it is, isn't the same with reality.

What I am trying to say is love is an idea.
You meet someone. You get to know that someone better. You start building ideas in your head on how wonderful the person is, what a fantastic couple both of you would be and all the things that both of you could do together.
The idea got buried in your head. And you start to have "feelings".
"Feelings" is what you think with your heart, not with your head, because you could not explain it at all.

So tell me, if you always feel "empty" and "hurt" whether you are having a crush on that someone, you get into a relationship with that someone, you broke up with that someone, WHAT difference will it make you feel inside regardless you are single or NOT?

The "joy" and "happiness" you felt in your relationship cost you a very very high price.
Especially at this age, where you have allocate most of your resources to make that relationship work. When you can actually use that energy for personal growth and development. I believe that we all would love to explore different things in life, whether it is a new hobby, interest, food, place and to meet different people as well. And not to forget to spend enjoyable time with friends. Friends are amazing, because you can never " break up" with them. We would also like to focus on what we're doing, to see how far we can go. So When you get older, you look back and tell your children and grandchildren all your proudest achievements, and thus, eventually find a meaning in life. That's when you feel complete and whole, because you have already found the true meaning of life.

The love of your life is an Idea. ""Sparks" and "Feelings" are temporarily because it is built up in your head and goes down to your heart, the heart which beats frantically whenever that person is around, and the heart which cannot think that makes you do crazy things for that person.

That isn't love. Do you know what is love? Love is commitment. Love isn't really about "the journey of finding the right person" to be happy with and all. Love is when you stay no matter what happens and you would do anything, including sacrificing the things you like, in order to make the relationship work. This usually comes in context of marriage. Just look at our parents, although they are fighting, they still stay together for the sake of the children and their marriage. They get very stressed up in their daily lives but they still have to continue with what they are doing. They sacrificed some of the things they like to do and not buy the things they want to buy so they use the money to pay for the family needs. They would rather get something their children like than to buy what they like. When things go real bad, they could drop all the things they do and run, but they did not because it is responsibility and commitment. THIS is love.

SCREW those movies and songs which give us a whole different idea about love and romance.

To be honest, I don't think anyone of us, is ready for commitment.
So why don't we just lay back, breathe life and laugh at all the stupid things that we can do now.
We fall, we pick ourselves up again and we learn.
Let's push ourselves to the limit to test our abilities.
Because time is running short. This is the time for our very own "soul-searching".
There may not be much time left, then we finally dedicate ourselves to LOVE.