2016

I have waited very long for this year. There was a prophecy that this year will be a good year for me.

Finally, yes. It is a good year, after I quit my job. But it also the year that I got diagnosed with PCOS and my relationship with Will is tested.

Dealing with PCOS is not easy. The chances of getting PCOS is 1 out 10 women and the feeling of unfairness keep lingering with despair in my head.

It was hard to lose weight at first.. I started out at 55kg..however, being at 51kg+ makes me feel more motivated and positive to go on. LCHF (ketogenic diet) helps a lot.

My relationship with Will is tested. Although I realized how much I love him and afraid of losing him, an extraterrestrial spirit comes in once a while although I try my best to shut it, to be distracted away from it and see the spirit nothing greater than my head portrays it.

The hardest to deal with is depression and anxiety. So far, working out, having very supportive people and seeing results help.

These feelings of worthlessness, guilt and emptiness sometimes haunt me and won't let me do anything.

But so far, I am coping with it well. Although I had PMS, I managed to pull off my speeches and gotten best speech (although there might be chances they are being kind to new people).

I am feeling better now. I am trying to allow myself to relax, procrastinate and not do things and not feel guilty about it. And when I do things, I congratulated and praised myself.

Step by step, and this shall soon be a habit and I shall recover quickly.

Love angel

Inspiration:

Love angel shoots her arrow at people around her. Disguises herself as a normal human being. Has her reasoning and all but in the end commits suicide to feel love.

Story of Aphrodite

Signs of a psychopath

Are you in a relationship with a psychopath? You might think that's something you'd know right away by the red tint of evil in the person's eyes, the swastika tat on the forehead, or the insistence on discussing serial killers over dinner. But nope! Psychopaths can be extremely charming and come across like Prince Charming at first. So unless you know the signs, you'd probably get sucked into the life of a psychopath and not know who he or she really was until you are completely sucker punched. Here are 10 signs you should look out for to quickly identify a psychopath.

1. Flattery like you've never heard before. Psychopaths move extremely quickly. On the first date, he'll probably tell you that you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and uproariously witty. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you have. If you think you're fat, he will tell you how much he loves your body. If you think you're shy, he will laugh at every lame attempt at a joke and tell you you should have been a comedian. This is called "love bombing." It's the idealization phase he gets you hooked on, and it's the phase you will spend the next however-many months or years trying to get back once he abruptly shuts it off.

2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will try to convince you that you are soul mates, just alike. He loves all the things you love and you have all of the same interests. If you had a tough childhood, he will say something like, "We both had it rough. That's why we understand each other." If there's an obscure book you love, he will make sure he loves it too. What he's doing is called "mirroring." He has no real identity, so he sucks yours up and mirrors it back to you.

3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to what a psychopath says on the first few dates about his exes and other people in his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob him blind? Is his mother controlling and horrible? Does he seem like he's had a tough time with people, who always use and abandon him? Whatever he says about the other people in his life is pretty much exactly what he'll be saying about you at some point, so listen carefully.

4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths absolutely love pity, so pay attention to how many illnesses and injuries he's had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but it could come back at any minute? Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? (But strangely is okay for the third date?) Did he lose his first wife in a car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and seems fine)? Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find any record of any of his traumas.

5. Great sex. Everyone wants great sex, but those who have been with a psychopath often say it's the best thing they've ever experienced. A psychopath goes out of his way to please you. It's just another way of getting you hooked. Once he has you hooked, you'll find yourself begging for sex because he suddenly won't want it anymore.

6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath will sometimes blurt out something odd about himself, apropos of nothing. Like you might be cooking dinner and suddenly he blurts, "I'm crazy you know." Or "I'm cheating on you." He will then either deny he said it or play it off as a joke. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an unconscious slip of the mask of his persona.

7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet. In reality, he is off sizing up his next target somewhere.

8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants him, so you better be on your best behavior, or he will move on to one of his adoring fans.

9. Discard. The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After he sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, he will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to him. He will usually move on to another target at this point.

10. "Hoovering." Although a psychopath will discard you, he doesn't quite want you moving on either. If he senses you are done with him, he will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. He will try to "Hoover" (named after the vacuum cleaning company) you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on his absolute best behavior. It's all an act so he can get you back into the fold.

The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to completely go no contact. It's the only thing that doesn't fuel his games and ego. He will make that difficult for you -- some psychopaths will stalk you, most will Hoover. But to engage him in any way, even just to tell him off, only leaves you open to more mind games, which he will win, because he has no feelings. (Those who have children with psychopaths must develop low contact, and keep in touch only as much as absolutely needed as regards the children.)

Of course, nobody is perfect, and some people are just immature and go through periods of giving the silent treatment, or "devaluing" you with critical comments. Other people may triangulate to create jealousy because they're insecure or bored or don't even quite realize they're doing it. There are also plenty of garden-variety jerks out there who will engage in a lot of "psychopathic" behavior without being clinical psychopaths. But if your lover engages in much or all of this behavior, then he or she is likely psychopathic, and you should run for the hills!

Born to die

Because it's over now.
Those words hurt.

"I don't want anybody now."

I cannot beg or threaten you to stay.
It will only make me suffer more.
So I am letting you go.

You are not ready, wanting to know more girls and flirt etc.
I am young, so I should smell the flowers.

There are many guys going after me.
It just has been a month.
So I shall have fun too.

I will be strong.
And I will be the person that I want to be.

Focus

I have been in gloco for about a month now. 

Going company trip next week, at a 6 star hotel. 

I am very excited.

I must bear in mind that I cannot stay longer than 3 months in Gloco.

I need to learn as much as I can, then start up my business asap.

For love, I am just going to give up.

I will fight for the luxury and comfortable life.

If a guy wants me, he has to chase me and make effort for me to look.

I am not going to put in any effort.

Giving up on you, Will.

Hear that?

Gonna work very hard and enjoy life.

2013 Goals:

1) 45-46 kg

2) Build an effective learning system by 2013.

My business, I plan to grow it in 3 years time.

When I am 26-27, I want to enjoy life.

Young and beautiful.

Young and rich.

Investor.

My primary concern would be my tuition business. 

As I needed income, so I applied job at Gloco.

Another business idea would be swiftlet farming and property management company.

What do I want

What do I want.
I need to know.

Okay, I want to write my book.
I want to own a tuition business.
I want to reach 45-46kg.
I want a serious relationship, fooling around is not for me.

So now, I shall focus on my tuition business and continue writing.
Save money as well and workout.

If I get the public bank job, I will go for it.
Otherwise, I will just continue tuition and freelance writing.
And I am going to write my book as well.

I need to feel whole.
Unless the full time job is 2.8k above, only I will accept.
Otherwise, I will just stick to whatever I am doing now.

Okay.
Case close.
Easy. Simple.

Interview

I got an email requesting for interview as a writer...and I am very flattered!
I am excited as well. I will get to explore new things.
And besides the income, I can also learn about marketing.
Because no matter how you build something, you need to market it effectively.

To be honest, I lacked the confidence to develop the syllabus but now,
In this two months, I can work towards it.
No more playing and fooling around,
Listening to people's sad stories and wasting money.
I should really focus on my job and on writing.
Goal-oriented!

Priorities.

Okay. I need to set my priorities straight.

I will apply job as a freelance writer for the time being.
Then write and prepare syllabus for the tuition.
And complete my book as well.
And lose the extra pounds.

No rush into applying for jobs right away.
So I am just going to chill.

http://www.jobstreet.com.my/jobs/2012/10/default/10/1782907.htm?fr=J&src=16&srcr=2
http://job-search.jobstreet.com.my/malaysia/job-classified-ads.php?gjid=10382517
http://job-search.jobstreet.com.my/malaysia/job-classified-ads.php?gjid=10384710
http://www.millionairesplanet.com/opp_career.asp

Hello November

My lazy ass. Tuition was good last few months but now, its gonna be dry season.
Haven't been losing weight although successfully maintaining the 50kg.
Need to lose at least 2kg by end of this month.
Will sign up for Yoga by this week.

I will not be depressed over the dry season.
I will be writing and working out.
Developing syllabus for my tuition business.
I might need some money.
So perhaps I will apply job at True Wealth Publishing.

What I can do by next week:

1) Go for yoga classes. 3 times a week. Lol. Better lose some weight.
2) Finish at least 4 weeks of level one syllabus.
3) Write at least the first chapter for my book.

Task:
1) Call ptptn
2)Apply job at True Wealth publishing.
3) Ask Joanna for help with my website designing.

Progress.

I have been progressing well.
So far.
I ditched the distractions, procrastination and other stuff from my life already.
Sticking to good diet and work plan.
I am working very hard now, though it's holiday.

It's just two years.
I took a long break already.
So I need to move aggressively again.

Two more years.
I will abstain myself from relationships, drama, big vacations etc.

My focus will be mainly- my education business and me.
Will give my best in tuition and me, I will look hot.
47 kg, come on!

81354b

The Fucking Irony

The fucking irony now is that since from 2008, when I have been talking about investments, business and personality types, no one seems to really care. Their answer for the pursue of money is "Money cannot buy you happiness" or "We are still young, chill." And for personality, "You cannot generalize people."

Now when people see finally see the importance of it, they preached about it.
Well, you bitches.
I am way ahead of you guys.

Post-Exam

Just a draft plan on what I am going to do after my exam, in case I suddenly become lost :

1) Read books
2) Workout
3) Register business : Athena Enterprise
4) Clean my room
5) Prepare business proposal
6) Prepare materials for tuition
7) Apply jobs from Kumon, Qdees, Smart Readers

Have to save money and look like a poor girl.
Need to raise capital for business.
Don't touch the Rm3k.

Day 10

Today is my last day of the lemonade diet. I lost 3.6kg. I did something stupid today. I thought of "preparing my body for digestive system" so I drank "Yakult". Then, I felt like puking. The same happened few days ago when I licked a little of cheese and herbs sauce off a spoon. I drank watermelon juice yesterday and few teaspoon of asam laksa maggi soup but that did not happen to me. Verdict: I cannot take creamy, starchy, in other words, any other form of carbs or milk type food.

I thought of starting the Danish Hospital diet a week after Master Cleanse, but i think my body might not be able to take it. I am glad I have made it this far, discliplined enough to stick through the no-solid food phase, but embarking on another diet makes me a little worried about the impact on my body. Maybe I will not take on the Danish Hospital Diet, but I will practise eating food similar to that diet and exercise regularly.

Tomorrow is my first day of exam and I am on track. Need to do the remaining revision.
And I think starting from tomorrow, I might have to take only vegetables and fruits for a week. Only start taking carbs the week after, and slowly introducing meat again.

Although this detox diet may be somewhat extreme, I somehow gained some benefits from it, besides the weight loss and removing off excess toxins and waste from my body. The mental control, the discipline that I have practised throughout these 10 days, not to crave for   unhealthy food which I love such as fried stuff, creamy food and ice-creams. I felt that my throat and nose is also clearer (used to feel that mucus stucked there) I have also become more calm and not so easily irritable (although I do get cranky the first 3-4 days of this diet) And the best thing is; perseverance. Plan your work, and work your plan. It will be beneficial. And stick to it. 

No Pain, No Gain

I am at day 9 of Master Cleanse detox diet. Basically, the diet aims to remove unnecessary stuff that has been in your system. So far, I have lost 3.4kg. If I do not control my eating properly after the diet is over, I may gain all the weight back, or possibly more. This diet consists of drinking laxative tea at night, salt water in the morning and only a liquid mixture of maple syrup grade B/sugarcane juice/ molasses + lemon juice + cayenne pepper. No solid food is allowed during this 10 day fast.

Plans after Day 10:
Day 11 & 12 : Orange juice
Day 13 &14 : Vegetable soup
Day 15: Porridge
Day 16: Eating normal!
Day 17: Normal! :D
Day 18: Start a new diet plan.

This new diet that I plan to start next next week, aims to increase my metabolism and it will last for 13 days.

DAY 1: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar 
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 400 g spinach + 1 tomato 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice 

DAY 2: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 250 g ham + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 3:
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 1 slice of ham + 1 lettuce 
Dinner: boiled celery + 1 tomato+ 1 fresh fruit (apple, pear, orange) 

DAY 4: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 200 ml orange juice + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 1 hard-boiled egg + 1 rubbed out carrot + 250 g cow cheese

DAY 5: 
Breakfast: 1 big rubbed out carrot 
Lunch: 200 g steamed code with lemon juice + 1 spoon with butter 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 rubbed out celery 

DAY 6: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 1 big rubbed out carrot
Dinner: 1/2 chicken + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 7: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of unsweetened tea 
Lunch: nothing (drink lot of water, it helps!) 
Dinner: 200 g lamb steak + 1 apple 

DAY 8: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 400 g spinach + 1 tomato 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 9: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 250 g ham + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 250 g roast beef + 1 salad with oil and lemon juice 

DAY 10: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs+ 1 slice of ham + 1 lettuce 
Dinner: 1 boiled celery + 1 tomato + 1 fresh fruit (apple, pear, orange) 

DAY 11: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast 
Lunch: 200 ml orange juice + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 1 hard-boiled egg + 1 rubbed out carrot+ 250 g cow cheese 

DAY 12: 
Breakfast: 1 big carrot 
Lunch: 200 g steamed code with lemon juice + 1 spoon with butter 
Dinner: 250 g roast beef + 1 rubbed out celery

DAY 13: 
Breakfast: cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs+ 1 big rubbed out carrot 
Dinner: 250 g chicken + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

If you are hungry, drink water, at least 2 l/day. 
     The lettuce should be fresh. 
     The code (the fish) can be replaced by trout or plaice. 
     Coffee cannot be replaced by tea or the other way round. 
     The natural yogurt is the non- pasteurized one, without sweeteners or fruits addition. 




*Detox at first, then increase metabolism...seems like it's I am on the right track. :)
After the end of this second diet, I will eat vegetables and fruits only for lunch and anything I like for dinner.
Coupled with regular swimming and pilates, I am on my way. ;)

Flipside

It has been ages since I actually write.
But I have been through alot of changes lately, and I am still changing.
Youth is the time where you take risks and you explore, make mistakes and learn.
And at 22, this is a very critical stage of life for me.
I am morphing, changing and trying to re-create the person I want to be.
Maybe it's just me,
My craziness and insanity is difficult to take by many.

I am young, curious and sensitive.
I used to think I can take criticisms well,
But this at confusing low point of myself where I need to bring myself up,
Where I try to redefine me, where I try to make myself feel valuable again,
I do not need people to bring me down.
I may be difficult to take,
I know that for a fact,
I do not trust people easily, though I appear to be nice to most people,
And I placed high value on certain things,
And those who can accept me for who I am,
Who encourages me and stick by me,
I swear I'll do anything for them,
Even if I have to sacrifice anything; body, money,time  etc

There are people in my life that I have decided to shut out.
They meant alot to me,
And maybe because I disappoint them a lot,
They use harsh and insensitive words towards me,
And not giving me the support I need to go through this difficult phase of life.
I feel like they are threats to my identity,
I feel like they are judging me every single step I am about to take,
I feel betrayed, for opening up so much to them only for them to pierce me back,
I feel like I disappointed them.

I may be at fault for their behaviour towards me,
But I never done anything to hurt them personally,
And this withdrawal may gonna hurt,

Maybe one day, when I am complete,
I can go back to them and truly enjoy time with them without thinking about flying,
Though they might not be my side through this journey,
I would still thank them for bearing with me for a long time,
People have limits, don't they?

On a different note,
Just a quick update on what I have been doing lately.
I am trying to study for my finals which is coming very soon,
I need to score both subjects at least A- for me to hit a targeted cgpa,
In order for me to get a scholarship for masters.
My first step in maximizing my coursework marks has been successful,
I got A and A- each.

I am trying to lose weight.
After my exam in May,
I swam 6 days a week, 20 laps.
Managed to drop about 2kg and see a little shape on my abs,
But gained additional 3kg when my friends came back from overseas and all the late night supper and all the delicious food we treated ourselves with.
I tried exercising again, trying to step up my game,
But I get very hungry and most of the time, my efforts get wasted.

I see most girls lose weight by dieting.
And I tried to do the same.
I discovered this detox diet called the "Master Cleanse Diet"
Which is a liquid diet for 10 days.
The mixture of liquid contain sufficient nutrients for one to survive.
I am at my day 3, still surviving, though I can't stop thinking of food.
And yesterday when I weighed, I lose 2kgs in 2 days.
Although the half of the weight may come back once I start eating solid food,
I decided to control my intake well and choose healthier options in order to maintain the weight loss.

Besides that, I have also decided to not take the employment path,
I will embark on my journey of being an entrepreneur,
It may not be easy, but it will be very rewarding.

I know I can get extreme in the things I do,
But what's life if you don't push yourself to your limits?
If you cannot accept me, that would be something I cannot be bothered to deal with.

Don't f-

"The State Of Freedom."

I am free.
I am actually free.
Close to ten years of being in and out of relationships, (since 13 years old)
I am actually free now.

Looking back at all the puppy loves and bullshits I have tolerated,
And the kind of guys I like,
How I actually wish and idealize that they could be the one,
How quickly I picked myself up after every fall.
How I was actually "in love" with the idea of the relationship, rather than the person itself.
I am surprised.
Was I not being honest with myself all along?
Or my denials are just to get over someone quickly?
Although, I do admit, though they never lasted, I am rather thankful,
I rather them not to last.

I have come to a state where I do not care. A state which I wished to come to ever since I was 18. And now I have finally achieved it. I was a good girl, a nice girl. Never cross boundaries, honest, committed, avoid ways that could make my guy jealous, find whatever ways possible to make him happy etc. All I get in return was a guy who was bored, finds me no challenge. They found the nice girl no challenge to be with. After the relationships ended, I was resentful and angry. Because I tolerated with their flaws, in which I actually found myself being turned off. Because I made efforts to love them, though I wasn't in love with them. I couldn't find myself wanting to get physical with them too, I find it disgusting and I even thought that I had a problem.

Ever since I started this blog, I wrote about relationships, trying to define them over and over again. Trying to find "meaning" in them, trying to picture the perfect "relationship",  trying to know "what's being in love" like.

My hopes and faith in relationships has shattered. I no longer desired to be in one. Fear was only what I felt when I hear of those words. Being a girl, I was courted a few times before a relationship starts. But from my experience, the moment the "label" is being placed on, suddenly it seems like all interest and passion has died. The guy would seem distant. Instead of finding new ways to love me, a space was created. Being paranoid like any other insecure girl, I tried to close in the gap but to no avail. The ones that courted me through the normal process, the way to start a relationship is right, but the road along is only a downhill, a matter of time before it crashes. The ones I truly feel happy with, aren't right for me.

I was known as the perfect girlfriend. I am the kind of girl you want to bring home to your family and introduce to your friends. I am the kind of girl that you would enjoy spending time with. I am the kind of girl that people see "happily ever after with." Like girls who chased after jerks, like guys who chased after bitches.

Being a natural extrovert, I have many friends, girls and guys. The guy friends whom would tell me about their sad stories about girls who left or cheated on them, lean on me, suddenly looked me in the eye and tells me that they like/love me. Most of the time, I got offended. I am not your rebound, pillow case or convenience store, just because I am friendly and nice. Instead of snapping at them, I usually ignored their "confessions" and laughed them off.

I looked back again. Will I choose them again, minus the ugly history? No. Definitely not. For a period of time, I hated myself of why bothering to put in efforts with someone I actually wasn't crazy for. I am actually very particular about physical appearance, blubber turns me off. I looked at guy's hair and guy's teeth and lips. Are they clean? Are they well-aligned? Are their kissable or just some dry cracky piece of something I don't wanna kiss? Do they have body odour? I am actually also very particular about how a guy carries himself. Do people like him? Does he gives a nice powerful sense of aura? Does he know the right things to say in public? Will he embarass me? Does he dress up well? Is he good with colors combination? Is he classy? Can he match up with my style of dressing? Come on, I don't dress like those girls out there. Shorts with some spegetti top/baby tee. Is he athletic? Does he at least play a single sport or exercise regularly? Does he take care of his health well? I definitely will not fucking date a smoker. None of my exes were smokers or clubbers so far. Is he easily offended? Can he take criticism in a constructive or humuorous way?
Is he secure with himself? Will he put me above other people's opinions and other people's welfare? Is he intelligent? Is he smarter and stronger than me? Can I rely on him? Does he appreciate my creativity, playfulness, understanding, depth and all other things? Can he adore me if he sees my flaws? Can he be nice to my family though they aren't perfect? Can he be there all the time for me? Can he fulfil all my needs? Is he different from any other guy out there who just want a woman who looks pretty and stays in the kitchen? Can he actually keep up with my passion and drive in life? Is he the exclusive kind of guy, the kind that doesn't simply fall for mainstream girls, doesn't flirt, takes more than looks to sustain his interest, isn't a victim to stupid bimbotic gold diggers, doesn't easily get distracted by an attractive lady, doesn't waste too much time talking to girls (listening to their sad pathetic stories) and going out on dates with many, focuses only on life achievements and Me, in short, is he a MAN?

Looking back, those exes fulfil not even 50% of what I want.

I contemplated. I thought of leading a life, a single life where you just go out with random guys and make out with the ones you find yourself physically attracted to, with a risk of reputation being damaged. I was thinking to myself, being a girl, being someone who actually isn't so bad, who is actually attractive to many eyes, why bother holding myself back and just go out and have fun? I am young and desirable still. This may be my only moment in life, this may be just it, before I commit myself to some asshole again or to some lame boring guy.

But I know I am not that kind of person. I had dreams where I have flings with guys, but when the moment gets heated, I backed off, refused to remove my clothes and took an exit, and I feel horrible after that. Even in my dreams, I have conscience. I woke up and knew instantly it's not my kind of thing.

It seems to me that relationships are either this: 1) happy, fun but short-term 2) long lasting but boring as fuck.Why can't I have both?

I do not know how to define "love" or "relationships" anymore. The only choice I have now is to go with the flow and see what life offers.

Male celebrities that I find attractive

Years later, when I look back, these post would somehow remind me of what attractiveness means.

1. Keanu Reeves. 

First got attracted by him in The Matrix, with his coolness and calmness. Very masculine and extremely desirable deep voice. He is always wearing a tux or a suit like in The Constantine. There is where I developed my liking for men in smart formal wear.

2. Alexander skarsgard

His alpha-maleness in True Blood. Dangerous, daring and sexy at the same time. Has a very soft spot for the one he loves, which is very desirable.

3.Adam Levine

Perfect face. Gorgeous eyes. Sexy moves. He is one hell of a dreamboat.

Other celebrities that I find appealing but not as much as the three above; I think it's the lack of personality besides the good looks:

4. Jason Statham

Very physically active and action-oriented with little words to say. Masculine.

Saw him in Transporter, Crank and The Expendables.

5. Chris Evans

Liked his boyish-cheekiness in "What's Your Number?"

One of the famous character being played is Captain America.

6. Channing Tatum
Fits the perfect male stereotype. Strong, silent and always know the right thing to do.
Saw him in a few romance movies like "Dear John."

7. Ryan Reynolds
This guy is just a plain cutie. Saw him in "The Proposal" and "Green Lantern."
Nothing much to be said besides his looks.

Yeap. That's it. Most girls usually stare at girls whether in shopping malls or in the movies (I don't quite get that, are you girls secretly a lesbian??!), but I am extremely normal. In the movies, I check out the guys. In shopping malls, well...... ;)