Relationships As a Validation ( Part 1)

I have been meaning to write about this since end of last year. This post will be rather similar to Dating at This Age but in a more in-depth version of it. Of what a relationship really is to many people and to what they are searching for.

To some people, a relationship signifies the validation of a person's identity.
"Am I worthy of love?"
"Am I lovable?"
"Am I desirable?"

Like a beautiful lady a man could be attracted to besides the admiration of her beauty, the ability to secure a relationship with her somewhat lifts his self-esteem and value as well. People would look at him and ask, "How on earth could he get her?!"

Because jealousy from the same sex, his competitors, the male population is much more satisfying than admiration from a group of females. It would also somewhat reflect his class, his standards and his worth as a whole.

But for some men, it takes more than looks to secure his interest. Like the ability of a woman to hold a conversation, her sense of humour and her appetite for life.

A validation of identity.
Do people like who they are when they are with a person in a particular relationship?
Do you both laugh a lot?
Do you like doing a number of similar things together?
Do you feel like you could say anything?
Are you comfortable having the person near without a conversation?

You jump from one relationship to another.
Constantly searching for something.
Searching for yourself in every relationship you were in.
How do you feel when you're with that person?
Are you happy?
When you feel unsatisfied, you left.
Because you don't like the way you are when you are with that person.

Life is really about us.
Like for example, a man likes being around a woman who sometimes needs his help.
It makes him feel like a man.
To do the things she is less capable of.
The same goes to the ladies.
She likes a man who can make her feel like a woman.
Not a tool, not a trophy only meant to be shown off.

But some people took it the wrong way.
Some people stayed in bad relationships because they fear.
Fear of being alone, fear of losing themselves, the validation of their identity, and fear to try again.
They do not believe that it is possible for themselves to find someone else better for them.
These people disliked themselves so much that they think other people wouldn't love and appreciate them if they knew who they really are.

This explains why some women fear when she is reaching her late twenties and so on.
That she would just grab any man that kneel before for her hand in marriage.
Or why she would be willing to marry her abusive boyfriend.
A woman somewhat validates herself by staying in a bad relationship.

For men, its the screwing around marathon.
It's the alpha male's ego.
To spread their seed around town.
Behind all those joys and excitements of lust,
There lies an insecure little boy.
Sex may be just sex, what he is exposing is not a deadly tool,
But the most vulnerable part of him.
The most vulnerable part of him isn't hidden like a female's.
It is exposed.
It needs to feel loved and that others would want it.
That is how they get their validation.

We could not blame all these men and women for their actions as a result of their insecurities.
We were hardly taught by our family, teachers and society as a whole on how to love ourselves and how to love somebody.
Thanks to the media, women are portrayed as the one who always need to be saved.
So therefore, she has to act passive and submissive.
Thanks to the superheroes like Iron Man and Batman,
A man has to have luxurious cars, mansions and many women throwing their kittens around him to make him  feel on top of the world.
Is there anything wrong with it?
Not really.
Except that it creates an idea of a somewhat perfect identity one should have.

Who do you want to be?
And how do you see yourself when you are in that relationship?
Is the price you pay for that validation worth it?

If you aren't happy on your own,
And believe that you need to find someone in order to be happy,
It's time for you to check,
Love and pay more attention to yourself.

If you couldn't even date yourself,
Why would anyone wanna date you?

Love being taken for granted

Types of Relationship

The Break-Up

A break-up is hard to get over, depends on the length of the relationship and how much hopes you have for it. People say that the amount of time needed to get over someone is half the time you guys are together, which is untrue.

What determines how fast or how easy to get over someone is based on two factors:

1) During the time you were with your partner, how often you spent time together.

2) How high your beliefs that that someone is "The One" for you

They say that girls nowadays are easier to move on after a relationship than a guy. Guys tend to have more difficulties moving on. By looking around, I see that is quite true.

Whenever a breakup occurs, usually the guy is the one to blame. Like he isn't being considerate enough or good enough or isn't doing enough.

Unlike girls, most guy suffer in silence. They would rarely talk about their breakups even if they do, they talk to very few people; unlike the girl who talks to almost everyone she knew and asked about their breakup. In other words, the girl gets more support which increases her speed of recovery.

Plus, if the girl is a decent looking one, another guy is bound to sweep her off her feet; making her feel all wanted again. Who knows, there is another guy eyeing her even before she breaks up and start charging towards her.

You might say that after a breakup, not only guys would "chase" the newly single girl, girls would also "chase" the newly single guy. Though it's true, it does not help the recovery of the breakup. Because guys love challenges, most guys want to be the one to chase. Girls who offered themselves would only be used temporarily when they are lonely. After breaking the girl's heart, the guy is back to square one again; being depressed.

There are five stages which you would occur after breakup:

1)Denial- You denied everything that has happened. You believed that it is only a bad nightmare or only temporary.

2)Anger- You tried to patch things up with your ex but your ex refused to. You are very angered that the ex does not even want to try to work things out.

3)Bargain- You tried begging for your ex back, promising you would change.

4)Depression- After the bargaining failed, you sink into depression. You felt lost and deeply wounded. Sometimes you start to wonder if you're not worth the second chance.

5)Acceptance- You come to accept that the relationship is over. You had already forgiven yourself and the ex and ready to move to the next chapter of your life.

These stages may repeat itself over again and often the person stays too long in stage 4.

The key for recovery is at stage 4. Sometimes, it could be disasterous if the person stays too long in that stage.

Let's go back to the factors of recovery.

1) The amount of time spent together.

How often you spent time together. If you used to spent so much of time with each other, the chances of you recovering quickly is very low. Your bedroom, the living room, your car, the places that you often visit, it is haunted by the images of your ex. Your heart silently shrieked in loneliness. Everything doesn't feel right.

During the time you guys spent together, you have given up the previous life you used to have to be together with your beloved. So your new life with your beloved is somehow combined, customized in order to make the relationship work. After the breakup, you felt lost. The worst loss isn't the person or the life you miss; it's you. Before you got together with your beloved, you were someone else. After getting together with her, you also became someone else.(During a relationship, we learnt the art of giving and taking, and found the softer,more emotional side of us to share with them) After the breakup, you don't know who you are.

Because suddenly you had too much free time.

This lost feeling, the sudden confusion and loneliness;

Made you believe that it will go away if you get back your ex again.

Recovery from the pain is not the main objective to feel okay again.

Pain will always be there, whether more or less significantly felt.

Your main goal is to build a new life again, a new you again.

Once you get used to the new lifestyle,

Then you'll feel okay again.

This new life you built; once you had successfully built it,

You wouldn't want your ex back again.

"Out of sight, out of mind."

Put away all things that remind you and your ex.

Even the pictures.

Hide them somewhere else or remove it.

There is no need to remove your ex from social networks,

Just hide them from your newsfeed.

Learn something that you always wanted to learn.

Sharpen skills that you are naturally good at.

Get a job that you'll love.

Hangout with friends but don't talk about relationships.

Laugh about nothingness.

When the night comes, don't feel lonely.

Talk to someone but not about the relationship.

Don't listen to sad songs.

Do some exercise to get you tired.

Read a book.

Or play some stupid games to make you tired.

On the other side, if you rarely spent time together during the relationship, it would be much easier to get over someone.

2) How high your beliefs that someone is "The One" for you

The more you idealize that someone is the one for you,

The more you believe that you couldn't find anyone like that again,

The harder for you to get over it.

If someone has cheated on you or left you for someone else,

Then there is no need for second thoughts.

Let the loser take away your liability.

Everything that happened, happened for a reason.

Because God may have a better plan for you than to be stucked in that intoxicated relationship.

Ever wondered how some people can get over their exes so quickly?

Because they just knew that the exes weren't right for them

And they are not going to justify and question it over and over again.

Being the "Indifferent Ex" is much cooler than the "Psycho Ex."

In conclusion, one must learn to let go, to accept that it is over and to stop believing they could feel okay again if they got back their ex.

Increase your self-worth and value, invest in yourself, as you are the best and greatest asset you would ever have.

Forget about increasing your self-esteem or to cure that loneliness by getting someone new.

It's just a waste of time investing in other people.

Hadn't you had enough?

Let love come naturally, when you learnt to accept and love your new self.

Disclaimer: I WILL not be liable for any inaccuracies or loss suffered based on the information given. I am not a certificated counsellor or psychologist. I do not even hold a degree in psychology. So be it, read it, practise it, question it or deny it, really, it's none of my business.

A Real Relationship

A real relationship....

is when you found someone you really like. Because it's not easy to fall in love. It's not easy to find someone that can capture your heart among the crowd of faces. It's not easy to have someone keep appearing in your head. It's not very often that you always want to see one particular person all the time. It's rare that when you're next to that person, it makes you feel complete, even without having a conversation.

is when you fight and argue because you care. Because you're a little confused. While you give so much in the relationship, you're afraid the person wouldn't do the same. You have expectations because you believe, want to believe or want that person to be the one. You'll hoping that they would change. When you have no more expectations of the relationship, it only means that you have given up and lost faith in it.

is when you suddenly found yourself doing things you have never done before. Like going an extra length. Working a little harder. Planning for your future. When you walk in the mall, you would look at things and whisper to yourself, "He/She would love this."

You want to make every moment special, every celebration memorable.

is when your other half has met most of your family members and friends. Is when your friends tell you to bring your other half out. When your family is fond of that special someone. Is when your special someone do little things for your family as well. Whenever you're in their house, you feel like you're part of them. When their parents respect your time alone with him/her. When you're included in any special family event.

is when you come back every argument. Cold war makes you torn. You knew if you call them back, you're the winner. Because you're rational. Because you care more about the relationship than your pride. Because you know that every arguments do not indicate that it's the end of the relationship, it's just something you need to work on. Everytime you think of leaving, there's just something that holds you back.

is when you know what makes them happy. And what makes them sad. Cheating may be tempting. But the thought of hurting the one you love kills you.

is when you find nothing, nothing wrong with your partner appearances and their abilities. You're fond of their hair, the way they look. Even when you felt like crap or when the mirror tells you the truth on how you look on a particular day, your partner felt that there is nothing wrong with it. Your partner only want you to feel good or better about yourself. Your partner has fallen in love with you, not whatever you have. Instead of feeling disgusted and disappointed, his/her arms are wrapped around you. That is how you feel whole.

is when you start picturing your future. The proposal. The wedding. You even start picturing how your kids would look like. Whether like your partner or like you. You take the nice features of your partner's and yours and combine them together as you imagined your beautiful child.

The thought of that lit up your face and you find yourself working harder to bring out the best in you because you want your partner to feel proud of you. You putting more effort in self-development and not looking anywhere else for anyone, because the one you want is just a mere touch away.

A real relationship takes a lot of faith to work out. From both the individuals. It's the thoughts that drives your words, your words into action, your action into habits, and thus, create the character you are towards the relationship.

Happy Valentine's to the couples who will be celebrating soon.

"I like you if you're the only person I don't flirt with!"

I am actually pretty depressed about another unrelated issue. But here you go, typical signs on whether a girl likes you or not.

It may or may not be right. It varies to different people.

1. If a girl really likes someone, she can become quiet, self-concious, and very careful about her flirting. She will worry about being emotionally raw that the guys will instantly see that she is all gushy for him. In order to protect herself, she will try to minimize how nice she is towards him, until she knows that he likes her back.

2. If she knows he likes her back, then she gets more outgoing, and she'll give him lots and lots of opportunity to hang out. In groups. Inviting him to concerts, parties, art festivals etc. She may become very open minded and sweet and try to dig deeper than casual talk.

The trick is to differentiate between being friendly, flirty or genuinely interested in the person;

From being "hard-to-get" to "I'm really not interested."

You can actually almost tell from the way they look at you.

I may discuss further about this in future posts.

Love Addict

What's a love addict?

A love addict is a person who is addicted to relationships, or rather addicted to being in love.
It is a process whereby a person going through an initial innocent moment of attraction and began idealizing another person.

For example, a girl meets someone whom she believed will make a good boyfriend. She believes that he holds the key to her happiness. She may be blindly attached to him and project various illusions about how wonderful he is and what a great couple they would be. She would overlooked his flaws and problems of the relationship.



These are the various signs of a love addict :

• Is unable to trust in relationships
• Has an inner rage over lack of nurturing in childhood
• Battles with depression
• Tolerates high-risk behavior
• Has other addictive or compulsive behaviors
• Questions values and life all the time
• Has a frantic personality
• Denies problems
• Confuses wants as needs
• Replaces ended relationships immediately

A love addict is usually insecure and tend to over-commit in a relationship. He/She would always do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going. Although his or her partner may have presented an act (example; cheating, betrayal, violence, mental abuse etc), which is generally unacceptable, the person holds on to the relationship, believing that one day the person will change if he/she continues to love the person enough. The love addict begs and do whatever it takes to maintain the relationship.

He/she would also tend to give too much of themselves to the relationship. Every decision is made based on the consideration of the partner. He/she will tend to over-please and tend to look to be trying too hard. The partner would be either too overwhelmed and get a little terrified or take advantage of the situation, since the love addict would do anything for him/her.

When all else fails, the love addict gets upset and never want to speak to the ex again.
The love addict would get another partner in a short period of time. And the process will keep repeating itself until one day, he/she finds someone who would never want to break up with him/her.


What is the cause of love addiction?

It may be because of a first wonderful experience with a loved one which ends in heartbreak. Then, the person continues to search for love, in order to find back the wonderful feeling he/she once experienced.

Or rather,lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, hidden pain, early abandonment, unrecognized early needs, fears of rejection, pain and lack of love and hope.

You may find it hard to believe how a love addict appears to others.
A love addict is usually a high-achiever, whether academically or in a career.
They are usually very independent.
They go through paths which are much tougher than their counterparts.
They often wondered why others can get things so easily whereby they have to work very hard for it.
They may have suffered certain kind of rejection or abandonment during their early years.
They have very low-self esteem.
Although they are much capable than others because of their experiences, they tend to feel shallow and insecure, which is carried from their bitter past.
They are lonely souls whom believe their lives can only be complete with that special someone.
Once they found someone who is willing and is believed to be "The One",
They gave their all. Even sacrificing the pursue of their achievements.
They lag behind and felt even worse when they realized at the end of the day, their hard work was not worth it and being appreciated.


Addiction to love, can be as dangerous as to addiction to drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex.
It leads to self-destruction and reckless behaviour. They will also have habits of getting into bad and unhealthy relationships.

If you have ever encounter a love addict,
Do remind them that they are being wonderful as they are as an individual.
Love addicts usually have fears or secretly hate being single.

A love addict may change his or her ways in order to suit the other who they assumed to be
"The One".

Every individual is unique in his or her ways.
Be yourself, bring out the best of yourself.
Do whatever you like.
Whatever you please.
Say whatever you want to say.
Don't second guess yourself.
When you know the person is not right, move on.
Because you are a great person,
And you can believe that there is one person out there who is made specially for you,
And would never want to leave you.
True love stays and is almost effortless.
You are terrific in your own way.
If others do not like you the way you are,
that is their problem,
Because one day, you're gonna meet someone who does,
And that person would be "The One".

Intriguing Men

There are certain kind of men that I find intriguing. Out of 50-70 person I have met, perhaps only one that I find very interesting. The kind of person that I find attractive are the ones who are true to themselves. You have to realize that getting someone to like you has nothing to do with the person, but has everything to do with you. There is no point in trying to be someone else. You may wrongly misrepresented yourself and attract the wrong kind of mate. If a person doesn't like/is attracted to you, maybe the person isn't right for you.

Anyway, these are few characteristics that I find intriguing in a man:


1) Doesn't easily get impressed by attractive women

Majority of the guys out there tend to act extra interested at the very sight of an attractive female. When a guy does that, he appeared to be just another guy who is impressed by her beauty and will do anything to get a date with her. Women are used to having such guy around them and therefore, he would just be another person in the crowd of hot-blooded males.

A man who doesn't easily get impressed by attractive-looking women conveys the message that it takes more than looks to impress him. He would appear to be a guy who isn't appear to be easy to please and thus, triggers the curiosity of the woman and she would find herself subconsciously attracted to him.



2) Knows what he wants in life and how to get there

A man who doesn't know what he wants or what to do with his life is definitely a turn-off. A hardworking, determined and intelligent man are traits all women would find attractive. Naturally, in a relationship/marriage, a man is expected to take the lead. If he doesn't know what to do, how to take care of himself and doesn't know how to make the right decisions, how can a woman rely on him?

We all have to face it. Life is also about surviving. Living things need to compete in order for survival. Even animals; whether for shelter, food or a mate. But what makes us different from animals is that the only person we need to challenge is ourselves. A man who frequently test his limits and push himself beyond his boundaries gives women a feeling that he is strong and would to able to tackle anything that would come in their way.

A man can talk all he wants and would do in life. Here comes the question, if you know what you want, how do you get there? Being practical and realistic is also important. If a man fantasizes like a woman does (you know women, they have their fairytales and crazy expectations/desires), both the couple would live in their dreams forever and the woman would frequently complained about what happen to their dreams etc. I do not want to be that kind of woman. I want someone strong enough to run in this race of life. Strong determination with the right sense of rationality that is.


3)Someone who handles criticism well

The eagerness to please is natural to some people. These kind of people are very sensitive to other people's feelings and are very careful about what they say or do. A perfectionist in human relationships, I would say. So what happens when someone throw a criticism or lash at them? They got offended.

What the person would do? Three things. One, start to behave defensively by trying to throw back witty/sarcastic/bang remarks at the other person. Two, ignore and laugh it off. Three, think about why the person has said so.

Option three is brilliant I would say. When a person says something you do not like, think about why did they say so. Is it a criticism that is constructive or just meant to hurt you? We all know that a constructive criticism can be helpful. We do not want more lies or fakeness that would leave us in the dark. If it's just meant to hurt you, do not fall for the trick. Walk away from the fool. Whenever this happens, remember this quote:

"Do not argue with a idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

4)Loves His Family

A man who have dinner regularly with his family, run errands for his parents and take them out sometimes is a man worth a second look. I usually find men who has younger siblings attractive, especially when he takes care of them and take them out sometimes. He gives the picture and idea of creating a happy family.

5) An Intelligent Man

Which woman doesn't like to be in the arms of an intelligent man? An intelligent man is much more attractive than a well-built-body man. Body is something that can be built with suitable diet and tremendous hours in the gym. But intelligence is something more valuable and not easily attainable. We live in the world of 21st century. We are not hunters, we do not need to be extremely physically strong to survive. Very often, the one with the brains is the winner.

Don't get me wrong. I do not mean burying your head in books, hanging around playing mind and strategies is enough. And nevermind the big belly and flabby arms. What I meant is men should not only focus on developing your physical to attract females, they should develop their mind as well to gain a wider perspective in life.

Intelligence is a very subjective word. In fact, there are 8 types of intelligence:

1. Linguistic and verbal intelligence : good with words

2. Logical intelligence: good with maths and logic

3. Spatial intelligence: good with pictures

4. Body/movement intelligence: good with activities

5. Musical intelligence: good with rhythm

6. Interpersonal intelligence: good with communication

7. Intrapersonal intelligence: good with analyzing things

8. Naturalist intelligence: good with understanding natural world

So which intelligence do you have?

I have a talent for identifying intelligence in people. Personally, I would be attracted to logical, body/movement and intrapersonal intelligence. Logical and body/movement because I suck at it. Intrapersonal because usually it's hard for me to find people who can get my jokes or what I meant. It would be fun teasing each other and discussing various issues in life.

6)Well-groomed man

The way you present yourself speaks out who you are. I'd like a man with class.

Short hair. Nicely shaved face. Clean teeth and fingernails. Elegant dressing.(No need silly words or fancy details on the clothes) Watch would be a bonus. The colour of belt matches the shoes.

That's it. Simple. Time to take this guy to meet the family and friends.

And finally,

7)Someone I can be myself with,

Feeling good with someone is hardly about that person, it's about how the person makes you feel about yourself. I bet most of us has heard this quote, "I love you not because of who you are, it's because of who I am when I am with you."

That's it for now. You may or may not agree with the points I stated above. But anyway, thanks again for reading.

Dating At This Age 2

Disclaimer: This post may contain sensitive issues that may not be suitable for just anybody. Please do not judge me and conclude all of the experiences stated below are mine or a specific person's.


Everyone has a dream since young. We build that dreams in the most beautiful way as we could because as children, we have very creative and imaginative minds. And these dreams were slowly forgotten, pieces of them were remembered once in a while, then we slowly add in a little more details, probably sharpen off the unrealistic bits, we spend some time lingering in those thoughts and soon forgotten about them again. Unknown to us, our conscious mind may not spell out every single detail of our needs and wants, but our dear subconscious keeps those pieces and occasionally projected them out in our dreams. That's when we will wake up and realize something.



Some of us are eager to know how does it feels like to love and to be loved. It sounds and looks beautiful. Enough of watching and hearing about it. It's time to walk on that path, with someone holding your hand this time, picking you up when you fall down, tells you that you are wonderful even though you feel bad about yourself and gives you kisses that send butterflies and even fireflies fluttering in your body. And the best part is? You will not feel so alone anymore.


This is going to be a post about a relationship that teenagers have. Relationships during teenage years or adolescence are very memorable and sweet because it was not only a journey of searching for the right one, it is also a journey of finding your identity.

It could happen during high school or early college days. It may or may not be your first love, but it was your first real relationship. You may have felt the the similiar kind of experience from the range of 13 to 19 years old.

There is this guy who has been nice to you lately. He helps you out, calls you everyday, drops by whenever he has the chance and makes you laugh. He listens to your rants about your family, friends and studies. He gives you cute little gifts and when you asked what is it for, he claimed that it is for fun. And another thing, you also find him cute. Without realizing it, you suddenly feel "addicted" to him. You start to blush whenever he is near or when he teases you. Out of the sudden, he becomes the reason that you forward to each day. When he finally confesses to you, it's as if your childhood dreams has come true. He treats you like your princess, he holds your little hand, he hugs you and you find yourself go red whenever he kisses your cheek.


You brought him home one day, telling your parents that this is a friend who will help you with your homework or fix your computer. Your parents asked if that is your boyfriend, and before you could answer, they have already showed signs of disapproval. What's worse is, the phone bills are soaring high and they are scolding you for it. They asked who are you calling, you claimed that it's your best friend.


You told your boyfriend about the situation. He was cool enough and courageous enough. He tried to make all the effort to be the one calling and tried winning your parent's hearts by bringing them gifts during festive seasons or celebrations. He also agreed to run errands for them. You were touched and believed that this is the guy you want to spend your life with. Both of you could be Romeo and Juliet, without the tragedy.



What you didn't know is that how much trouble he has been through to get that special gift for you during celebrations and the amount of time he spent planning a surprise for you and making sure things go well. You didn't know how serious and frequent arguments he had with his family for always going out, spending money, not spending enough time with the family, expensive phone bills and using the car. He may looked like a fierce rock when he came and picked you up. You asked him what is wrong. Sometimes he just muttered that he got nagged by his parents. Sometimes he just shook his head. Then things go smoothly as before.

You also didn't know how often he thinks about you, how he describes you to his friends and the feeling you gave him. Like you were his everything. Protecting you comes first in his mind, making you happy comes next.

Time passed and soon your family starts to accept him, although occasionally warns you not to hang around alone with him too much. His family loves you, they treat you as if you are their daughter. Sometimes, they refer you as their "daughter-in-law". You refer them as your "second" family. You can't help but to feel warmth all over.

Family acceptance obstacle is over. Both of you are relieved and finally you could go for a vacation together. This is wonderful because you are always excited about going vacation with him. Pictures were taken. Lots of them.



The honeymoon period starts to fade. You start noticing his flaws. You occassionally make remarks about it. He listens to you at first, but after some time, he seem ignorant about it.
He used to call often. But now he only call once a day or leave a message. You used to spend long time on the phone, but now just a few minutes.

Conversations start to get dry.
"How is your day?"
You guys talk about good stuff and bad stuff but mostly bad stuff because there is lack of response towards good stuff.
By telling bad stuff, you get more comfort from the other half or there would be a discussion to it, and thus, have a longer conversation.
Keeping in touch has become a chore, not a hobby anymore.

Jealousy starts to become an issue.

He used to have his eyes only on you and compliment you every time you guys go out on a date.

Now his eyes start wandering, checking out other girls.

Sometimes you gave him a kick or an elbow nudge.

He just turned to you and exclaimed,

"What?"

Sometimes you sulked and he wondered why you're upset.

Sometimes he assured you, sometimes you guys just end up arguing.

He has start to become controlling too.

"Who is.......?"

"Don't go out with this guy, he is bad etc etc.."

"Why are you wearing like this? Better wear something more covered-up"

Both of you start become each other "parents".

There goes the struggle for dominance, trying to prove each other's point is right.

You get mad with each other when your other half do not understand your "intentions".

After solving every argument, things get back to normal.

They say, the more you argue, the better your relationship becomes.

But for your case, the more you argue, the less faith you have in the relationship.

You start to wonder if both of you were really right for each other.

How come you guys aren't like other couples?

You start making comparisons.

You start believing that the grass may be greener on the other side.

Break-ups do not happen suddenly.

Break-ups happen when one person has already made up one's mind after thinking for some time.

It takes two person to start a relationship, but one person to end it.

The other half who didn't put much thought that the relationship would really end, becomes very shocked.

Or either that, the other half has always fear that this would end but refused to believe it.

The one who has been thinking about the breakup waits for the opportunity, prays that one day the "Romeo & Juliet" feelings would come back.

Better still, the other half should change into a better person and put more effort in the relationship so you can once have faith in it again.

But it just happened this time. It ended. Few possible situations:

1)Arguments.

One person threatens for break-up.

Another says "Alright, fine!" and left.

The one asked for breakup stormed off.

2)One person cheated on another.

The person who cheats is the one who asked for breakup.

The other half is shocked, before he/she could say anything, scold, cry or forgive the one who is found guilty, that person has already left.

3)Mutual Agreement.

"Let's have a break for some time, and see how things go later."

Let's review each of the situation.

1)Arguments

Let's put it in this way. Girl and guy are arguing. Girl was over-reacting. Guy gets very fed-up and helpless, finally he asked for a breakup. Girl agrees and walk away. Although Girl is upset that he asked for a breakup, Girl was actually waiting for this and was secretly very relieved to be finally free from this relationship. And besides, it was not her who is asking for the break-up, it's him. So it's his fault. Girl is the one that has been always thinking about breakup, she is relieved that someone has already made the decision so there is nothing left to figure out. She is ready to lead a new life.

Guy felt helpless because he did not know what to do anymore. He felt maybe it is best to give each some space for awhile. Maybe she will figure out someday. Maybe he would figure out too.

Guy thought this may be temporary, as it always has been. He never thought this relationship would really end. After some time, he comes back to her and asked back for her hand. She refused to. She reminded him that they are not a couple anymore. Reality starts to hit guy. This relationship has really ended for good. He tries pleading her, using whatever nice way he can think of to ask her to come back. She strongly stands on her ground. He gets angry and frustrated. Vulgar and mean words start coming out. He started yelling at her. Girl was terrified. But it was a reason good enough to run away.

As Girl runs away, Guy brutally throws rotten words at her as he chased her. Girl is frightened and kept avoiding him. When Guy couldn't talk to Girl, at least he could talk about her. Anything bad, her weaknesses, her habits has been revealed to most of the circle of their friends.

Girl finds out, and never want to speak to Guy again or ever wants to see him again.

Guy starts to get desperate. He could not let go of all the years and memories they had together. He start regretting for not giving enough. He wants to talk to Girl again. He is tired of talking about her. He started being nice to Girl. Girl ignored his "nice" offers. It's as if he was invisible. Not there. Guy gets very angry and stormed off. And he tells his friends what a heartless bitch she was. He could not understand why they could not even be friends.

You see, the situation is like this. Girl has made up her mind that she wants to let go the relationship. Guy cannot accept the fact. Girl uses the excuse that he dumped her to make him feel guilty and to make herself feel better. Guy's mistake was scaring the girl off with his anger and frustration. Girl made up her mind that he is not the right one for her. Guy makes another mistake by telling people about what a bitch she was. Girl decided that she never wants to speak or see him anymore.

2)Cheating

He was so close to you right now, no, not your boyfriend, that guy you have been have the "hots" for weeks. How come your boyfriend never make you feel like this? You feel wasted not being single, and with this guy now, who you set your eyes on, he has shown interest in you too.

You cannot help it, the urge is strong and the moment is right.

He leaned down and kissed you. You cannot resist, oh no, you do not want to resist. If fact, you want this. You kissed him back.

It feels so good.

When it ended, it's as if you finally knew what you wanted. You want freedom. From the relationship you are having now.

You called your boyfriend and broke down the news to him. And told him everything.

He listened and asked straightforward questions.

You answered them all truthfully. You didn't even bother to lie.

What you have done is that; you left the poor man hanging. Both of you have spent years building a ship, a ship that is meant to sail in this sea of life. Both of you are suppose to manage this ship together, but he is alone. You just suddenly left without a warning. He is still trying to make sense of what has just happened. When you left, he tried sailing the ship alone. He failed to realize that the ship is already sinking, your relationship that is. If only he wakes up and escape from the ship, otherwise he is end up drowning in the sea that both of you promise to go through together.

3)Mutual Agreement

After discussing for a long time, you have finally come into agreement with him that you guys should take a break, and explore other life options as well. There is nothing wrong with your relationship, nothing wrong with your guy as well. That's the problem.

The relationship does not promote growth anymore.

In fact, it actually hinders your growth. You spent too much time committing yourself to the relationship and for once, you want time for yourself. You want to focus more on your studies, get better grades, hang out more with your friends, pick up a new hobby or just for once, some time for yourself. And maybe, maybe you might meet someone new too. Someone who might be "The One" for you.

But you can't help feeling sad. Feeling sad of letting go a relationship which was once so perfect. Because he might just be the right one for you. What if he gets another girl and marry her?

You shake that thoughts away.

Those years you spent together, suddenly now you are unfamiliar with where you are standing now.

You wake up, thinking that you still have him.

Then, later realized it's no more.

You cried everytime you are alone, when nobody is looking.

Because someone used to be there for you and not anymore.

You never knew how lonely you would feel without him.

But this is something you asked for right?

Why are you feeling so upset?

Because you missed him so much.

You may want him back so badly, but you fight the urge.

Because for once, you are learning to grow up without him,

without having consider about anything else except for what you really want in life.

And for once, live the life the way you want it to.

Not all relationships at young age ends with a heartache. Some successfully ride into marriage.

Some has made fairytales to become a reality.

Dating comes in joy and also sadness. Because if you didn't know what sadness is, you wouldn't know how good joy feels. If you never experience pain, you will never know what is pleasure. If you haven't met the wrong one, how else would you know if the next person is right? If someone hurt your feelings before, you learn how not to hurt someone's feelings.

Having a relationship at this age is a natural learning process and desire. It's part of growing up.
You can never undo the past, but you can create a more beautiful future.

Falling in love is something you cannot control. But when you fall, bear in mind that while you're ready to feel more joy in your life, you must be ready to get hurt as well. It's part of a deal.

If you're not ready to get your heart broken again, perhaps you should let it heal and give to someone who will be worth it.

I would like to conclude that sadness, disappointment, intense anger in the relationship from situation 1 and 2 are resulted from immaturity. It's our young minds that caused us to be impulsive without considering the consequences of our actions. Thus, breaks another person's heart at the same time broke ours as well. Let's learn to forgive the ones who broke our hearts and forgive ourselves for breaking other people's heart.

It's always wise to be friends with ex-lovers, especially when it was a meaningful relationship.

Because they remind you of who you used to be. They may have already left you, but a part of them still remains in you. And that part will stay in you forever. That is the part you need to stay strong and move on with life.

Adolescent is the period where you create an identity that would last for a lifetime. When we have finally created an identity for ourselves, we will be clearer of what we want in life. Thus, eventually, finds "The One", someone whom we can truly be ourselves with.