Realization

To strive for excellence, you must be willing to pay for a price.

That might include your time, monetary resources, and even your relationships with other people.

We can never buy back time but we can learn to improve in the future.

Resources are trade-able.

To think that you can have one person by your side supporting you while you achieve your life goals is pure idealism. It doesn't happen. You can't fight for it. In the end, alone is where you will stand.

Love is an emotion, not logic

Love is a feeling, an attachment towards someone. An instant drawn towards someone. Being near to someone you love makes you feel life is okay. Without that someone, life just seem to crumble. That's why most people had downfalls when they have problems with their relationships or a break up. Some take it as a motivation to prove that life can still go on, but for the better. They say that happiness depends solely on what you are attached on. Like a child that clings on to his/her mother, to detach from the parent seem really painful.

To avoid pain, avoid attachment

Happiness is only real when you have someone to share it with. When you are at the peak, there are certain people that you want to share it with. Glory is not much of a glory when you finally stood at the peak and when there is no one to cheer you. But this comes with a price. Tendency for disappointments. To detach and to exit is the best way to confirm that life in the end, you are somehow alone.

Independence is when you can finally stand alone

It is said that organisms that depend on each other have higher chance of survival. But bear in mind that, the ones that offer you help, are the ones who are going to threaten you with it.

Feelings are important

We tend to neglect our true feelings, when we couldn't explain them, we regard them as illogical. But feelings is what make us different from other organisms. We do have survival instinct, instinct to kill and instinct to mate like animals. But we are no animals. The failure to express feelings properly is what caused misery.

We often take things for granted

It's not that we don't know what we have until it's gone, we know it's there but we just don't appreciate it. We all have our limits, and when we give too much with hope that comes with it, we can't give anymore. The defense mechanism kicks in. We built a wall. Their cries and begging are deaf to our ears. We can't hear or see them anymore.

It is crucial to have masks if you want to survive

Whoever tells you that it's better to be yourself obviously do not know the realities of life and doesn't have things coming easy for them. Yes, it is crucial but there are a few close ones that we can finally take off that plastic smile.

Whatever it is.

Realized that end of the day,

It's your own two feet for you to walk.

Hands that I have held,

Ears that have been listening,

I can confirm that

Now is the mark, the beginning.

Momma

I had this crazy conversation with my bestie about the the crazy things our mom said and did. Then, I start to wonder, what kind of momma I will be?

This is out of speculation/ based on who I think I would be:

1) Since I know MBTI, I would observe my child like the most amazing creature on earth. I would provide education which they are naturally good in, and make them the best at it. I will not force them to adhere to society's viewpoint of what's good and what's not. Basically on what they are naturally good at. I will make sure they are happy.

2) I would cook different kinds of food everyday. Sometimes, it may be a little too weird and my children would be my guinea pigs. They might either enjoy or grumble everytime I come up with a new dish.

3) I might not always be at home. :( I will teach my children to be independent. Go to school in the morning, probably rest then tuition/classes/sports then at night, I will sit with them to talk about their day. I might not be the one waking them up, picking them from school and so on.

4) House chores. I will do them for the sake of doing them. Probably will hire a part-time maid once a week to do the cleaning stuff. My husband would most likely be a J. Someone neat and organized. He would be the one putting things in order.

5) I will be strict with my children. No means no. It would hurt me to see them cry or feel sad when I scold or punish them. Probably I would give in due to guilt but I will try to impose discipline on them. My husband will be the one punishing them. He will be the bad guy. LOL

6) I will dress my baby in a bee suit, a bunny suit or a carrot suit and bring him/her out to the mall.

7) I will have a family outing thing every Sunday. My husband must be someone who loves family and keen on these stuff.

8) I will have less than 4 kids.

9) My kids will be my personal slaves who are willing. The power of psychology manipulation. LOL.

10) I will pay my bills online.

11) My sister would drop in once in a while to wash the baby's poop or to cook for us.

12) My family would not face financial problems.

13) I will be at home 50% of the time.

14) My husband loves kids.

15) I will teach them the meaning of life and let them experience various things.

16) I will not spoil them with expensive gadgets or toys.

17) I will make them work in order to realize the value of money.

18) My children will look like red tomatoes.

19) I will teach them how to avoid and deal with conflicts.

20) I know I may not be perfect, with wanting to live a life of my own and not always being at home 24/7, but I will be there every Sunday, every night to sneak into their bedrooms to give them a kiss, always surprising them on their birthdays and Christmas and cook their favourite meals with not too much altering. I will listen to them and understand how they feel. Give them the support they need. I will also not argue in front of them with my husband. I will not let my problems be theirs. I will also never let them face divorce. I will be all I wish I could have, as a child.

Problem

I know what's the problem now about the entrepreneurship and the trainer thing. I look around me, the successful trainers at young age; eg 27. They are successful at whatever they are doing. And many people are going towards that line of work. Soon, this idea of wealth training will go dry as the supply of it increases. Just look at the newspaper, there is so much of it. Real estate, silver and gold, forex and all sorts of financial instruments.

And many trainers now are quoting Robert Kiyosaki.

I don't want to be just a regular trainer.

I want to be exposed to the more complex market, the derivatives market.

Where you can have access and the ability to create a new kind of instrument and expose it to the current market.

I want to be an innovator.

Not following anyone's footsteps.

I do not want to manage millionaires' money.

I want to manage institutions' money.

Personal financial management is not for me.

Too many people are doing it.

I dare to dream higher, so there I will be.

Alright

It took a long time.

But I'm okay now.

I'm okay now.

I am getting it back again.

Thanks to Will and Charisse.

My 21st Birthday

I had the most awesome birthday celebration in my life. I had been planning it for months and almost wanted to give up when the Chillex boss called me and said that they're closing. But thankfully, during the week before the actual date, I found a place. The party did happen. I owe Jacqueline a lot for this, for recommending the place and Rikuku for suggesting the menu. Thanks to Hazel and Charlene too for helping me,asking around for a place and sister, Hayley for the decors and some other stuff. And the rest who made the effort to come, I was overwhelmed and got really excited when I saw you guys walking in. I booked for 60 people, but almost 80 people turned up. Thank you too for the wishes through facebook, call, sms and twitter. :)

So the party was being held at Kitchen Creatures, Centerpoint.

The food was not bad (some didn't like the olio aglio-oil-based spegetti though) and the price charged was fairly reasonable.

Some of my family members also came.

Thanks Aunt Lynn,Uncle Mike, Shu Wen and hi grandma, I hope you didn't get too bored though.

Eric, thank you so much for taking a leave from you work at Singapore to attend my birthday party. I am truly blessed to have a friend like you.

Jonathan, thanks for coming too. Thank god the party was during your Easter holidays. I was surprised that you could get along well with most of my friends although you know nobody there initially. You're one of a kind.

Ethan and Georyn, thanks for coming although not knowing most of the people there. You guys look hot and outstanding by the way.

Max, thanks for the awesome poster you made in such short notice. :)

There are not much stories to tell but a lots of pictures and appreciations for this post. Looking at the pictures over and over again made me so happy.

Dad, me, mom, sis and grandma :)

My second family who has always been there for me during the very hard times. :)

The Puchong family. :)

The Puchong gang whom I hung out with almost every week. :)

My UTAR friends, you guys are awesome. :D

Jonathan and Krane, amazingly you guys can click pretty well! :D

Hunky Ethan, pretty Georyn, cute Yao and sexy-lips Eric

My lover, Xiao Zhu and sexy Vivian, whom I both met in NS.

Childhood friends. :)

Sweetheart, thank you so much for the flowers. This is the first time I am receiving flowers and it's from you! I'll always love you, you're the most romantic person I have ever known. <3

Bestie, good times, bad times-you're always there for me. :)

Babe, you make a great girlfriend. I enjoy hanging out with you and thanks for listening & supporting me. :)

Jac, I'm usually not the kind who express my unhappiness outside or talk about my problems but surprisingly, most of my tweets are me being unhappy about issues that I kept to myself. Thanks for unexpected encouragements, motivations and advice. I needed all that. :)

Hey monster, do you wanna fight again? I still find it amusing how you understood me without me saying anything. You never fall for any of my mind games which sort of...make me feel like I'm myself whenever I am around you.

Wei Chuen, you're a great friend. Thanks for helping me out when I am blur. I still remember the time you helped me to look for my car when i thought I lost it. Charlene, you're like my guardian angel in university. You teach me when I don't understand and you help me when I am indecisive. Thanks for the beautiful pictures you took. :)

How could I survive university life without any of you girls? Caryn, I love your laughter. Jean, you make an excellent class rep. Maho, nice teasing you about your boobs. Jing Yi, I owe you too much. Time has shown that you're a true friend and I would never want to let go a friend like you. Ping Ping, you looked gorgeous that night, wear skirts more often. :)

Dai lou, thanks for always teaching me and guiding me throughout the degree course. I am pretty dumb when it comes to numbers and calculations and it's you who saved me so many times from failing my coursework. Besides that, I love your very intelligent and surprisingly funny quotes.

KC, thank you so much for coming and dressing up for me. You're truly unique.

Haha...Elwyn, sorry for always teasing you that I have a crush on you. You know I said that simply because I know your secret, which is very cool. I secretly wished that all guys in the university would dress like you so at least there's something to look forward whenever I attend class. LOL

Marcus, I enjoy sharing ideas with you. Krane, happy to see you again. It's funny how birthday parties are the time we meet again, eh? Jonathan, you're the most interesting person I know and I hope to catch up with you again before you leave to UK, again. Nicholas, you're so mean!! Always teasing me about my pimples! Haha..kidding, stay pretty!

Let's party!! It's fun hanging out with you guys! Thanks for the watch! I love it! :D

Eric, thanks again. :)

Deer... :P

Thank you, sis and bro-in-law for everything. :)

Thanks for igniting the flame in me that has been distinguished. I got my fire back, my passion back because of someone who is an outlier like you.

My retard cake. :P

I've received wonderful gifts.....

Intellectual gifts...:)

Sweet, sweet gifts. :)

Flattering gifts.. :)

Romantic gifts...:)

Elegant gifts... :)

I am sorry if you did not see your gifts up there. I may be using them, finish eating them or kept them hidden somewhere. There are still gifts which I did not open (I like to surprise myself some times, syok sendiri)

I am also sorry that I didn't know who gave some of gifts as most of them had no names on it.

Still, I love them all and would like to keep them in my cupboard and look at them whenever I am free,thinking of all the good times I had but sadly chocolates will expire, certain items have lifespan and flowers will die.

Nevertheless, thank you all for coming and those who wished me.

Thank you for remembering me and being with me on my special day.

Nothing's greater than having the people I love and love me as well around me.

I wanna......

My five-month holiday is coming. So I would love to do the below....

1) Pick up music again. Hello there, rusty guitar! Probably would take some music classes too.

2) Improve my cooking skills. Expect to get invited to taste my experiments. :P

3) Put the financial knowledge and skills into test. Explore the equity market. Attend more classes and read more books to expand my knowledge.

4) Gardening! Flowers! Tomatoes!

I think is may be the best year of my life. So I'm gonna enjoy it to the fullest. ;D

Apart

What a historical day, today would be.

A day that I would not forget.

She looked as if she strike the lottery,

I do not dare to look and interpret his feelings.

I guess dark humour isn't funny now.

There would come to a day,

Where the couple argued so much that

Now they wouldn't give a **** to each other anymore.

This is the day.

It is official.

Whatever,

Why should I feel more pain,

When it is not me who is directly going through this,

I am not five, seven or eleven.

I am twenty-one this year.

And my youngest brother is eighteen,

Who wouldn't even give a fuck anyway,

I don't know,

I do not dare to feel,

It's buried within,

I am not suppose to feel,

Because it will be okay,

Everything will be okay.

I swear I will do anything to stop you from getting hurt,

That is the least I can do.

Reasons why I am lame

I am lame because.......

1) I don't drink coffee. Not because I hate the taste, in fact I love it and the wonderful "effects" it has on me. Since 2009, my heart beats very fast whenever I drink coffee. What could be the reason? I am not sure.

2) I don't drink carbonated drinks. I do not like the bubbly feeling in my throat and stomach. Makes me feel bloated. When I heard that cockroaches die in coke and coke can be used to wash toilet, I tried my best to avoid it since 2006. Furthermore, it contains 10 teaspoons of sugar. Wow!!

I drink it only with alcohol to reduce the bitterness in alcohol.

3)I don't smoke. A cigarette has not even touch my lips before. I don't even smoke shisha. Reasons; find no benefits in it and the doctor said I got weak lungs. So I do not dare to risk even for the fun of it.

5)I feel sleepy and my energy runs low after 11pm. If I were to be outside, I will be making noise to come home.

6)I don't enjoy clubbing. But I guess I am going tonight after not going for almost 2 years.

7)I read books. Not novels, but motivational and finance books.

8)I like to organize activity early in the morning.

9) My favourite cartoon is Tweety Bird.

10) I am a bathroom singer. With toothbrush as my microphone. Sometimes, when I drive in my car, I'll be my own radio station, the DJ and the song.

11)I have a very bad sense of directions. I need to travel at about an average of 5 times before I recognize the road/place.

12) Whenever I sense conflict, I turn away and avoid it. Sometimes, I rather admit it's my fault than to the pursue the case. Even when someone has done something wrong and I don't feel fine, I tell them it's okay and I understand. I end up feeling miserable without knowing the real reason why.

13) I prefer endurance exercise like yoga, pilates or long-distance jogging. I tried dancing but couldn't catch up with the moves. Haha..

14) My favourite fruit and vegetable is tomato.

15) I like my hair to be messy.

16) I don't like to join clubs or societies. :( But that doesn't mean I am anti-social.

17) The last piercing I had was in 2003. I am not quite sure if the holes in my ears are still there. I have very poor endurance of physical pain.

18) I shop really fast. xD

19) I don't like to watch horror movie. I completely stray away from it. The first horror movie I watched was "10 ways to see a ghost." After that, I was afraid to look in the mirror at night because in the movie, it is said that if you comb your hair at night, you will able to see a ghost. The last movie I watched was "The Shutter", the english version. Couldn't sleep well and was paranoid about pictures and weighing scale; because in that movie, white figure appear in pictures and the ghost will be sitting on the man's shoulder while he stands on a weighing scale. My fur is standing while I am writing this.

(I tried googling pictures for horror movies but the pictures are way too idiotic so no pictures for this point)

20) I am afraid of escalator. Especially going down. I feel like I am going to fall anytime.

There you have it. The reasons why I am lame. Probably there's some things I can change about it or probably there's some I don't have to change.

You may have some of the characteristics above, but don't worry, you will not be as lame as me.

Reasons Why I Dislike Clubbing

Whoops, this is gonna be the most biased post ever. I stopped going clubbing since 2009, after the fourth time i went.

And the reasons I dislike clubbing are;

1) The atmosphere

Crazy lights. Loud music. Smoke. Crowds.

See flashy lights. Headache.

Loud Music. You have to get close to each other in order to hear what the other is saying.

"Whisper in my ear, baby."

Well, that's the whole point.

Smoke. Second-hand smoking. Stinky hair.

Crowds. Get molested by random strangers and or even your friends.

2) Not a fan of alcohol

It taste like poison. Worse than medicine. Okay, you can kill me for saying this. Would prefer it if it's a cocktail or sweeter.

But if you don't drink, there's no point of going right?

Drinking, getting high and dance suggestively is the whole point right?

3) Expensive

Cover charge + Alcohol. Unless it's ladies' night.

If you're female, you can club for freee!!

It's the males who are paying.

Well, if the males are the ones paying, of course they want you to drink.

To drink more and more, in hopes you will let down your guard when you're tipsy and high.

If you're paying, it could range from rm50 to a few hundreds.

I rather use the money for facial or get a new haircut. Or get a new outfit.

Spending money on clubbing is like wiping your ass with money then flushing it down to the toiletbowl.

4) High Opportunity Cost

The club starts to get high around 12am plus, so most likely you might reach home around 2-4am. Then you have to wake up late the next day. Half of the day would be gone.

I rather sleep early and wake up early for exercise or spend my day doing something productive.

If you get a hangover, you would feel so horrible on the next day.

If you manage to get up early, you will still feel sluggish for the rest of the day.

5) Your friends suddenly become someone else.

The last time I went, my friends left me waiting outside the club for more than an hour.

My baby sister suddenly looked as if like she is filming a music video like The Pussycat Dolls.

My girlfriend kissed my boyfriend and flashed her tits.

Maybe it's just me. Being Unlucky.

Can ruin friendship sometimes.

They say alcohol can make people to become buddies.

But in my opinion, alcohol burn your values and self-control for that moment in which the consequences may last for a lifetime.

6) Getting picked up or flirting by random strangers

"Hi, how's your day? I'm XXX."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"I was standing over there and you caught my eye."

I don't need to be approached by strangers in order to realize I am attractive.

In fact, I feel offended. Approaching me only made me feel as if I was easy. Like any other girls in the club.

7) Pranks

When you have playful friends. When you get a too drunk. But normally I'm the one playing pranks on people. Anyway..

8) Unhealthy

Enough said. We all know the side effects of alcohol and late nights.

In conclusion, I will avoid going to clubs unless :

i) Being forced to

ii) With good sensible and fun (with limits) female friends

iii) To save someone.

iv) Out of my mind. Probably gone crazy or duper zuper upset.

Good night. The club lovers are gonna hate me for this post. HaHa.