Born to die

Because it's over now.
Those words hurt.

"I don't want anybody now."

I cannot beg or threaten you to stay.
It will only make me suffer more.
So I am letting you go.

You are not ready, wanting to know more girls and flirt etc.
I am young, so I should smell the flowers.

There are many guys going after me.
It just has been a month.
So I shall have fun too.

I will be strong.
And I will be the person that I want to be.

Focus

I have been in gloco for about a month now. 

Going company trip next week, at a 6 star hotel. 

I am very excited.

I must bear in mind that I cannot stay longer than 3 months in Gloco.

I need to learn as much as I can, then start up my business asap.

For love, I am just going to give up.

I will fight for the luxury and comfortable life.

If a guy wants me, he has to chase me and make effort for me to look.

I am not going to put in any effort.

Giving up on you, Will.

Hear that?

Gonna work very hard and enjoy life.

2013 Goals:

1) 45-46 kg

2) Build an effective learning system by 2013.

My business, I plan to grow it in 3 years time.

When I am 26-27, I want to enjoy life.

Young and beautiful.

Young and rich.

Investor.

My primary concern would be my tuition business. 

As I needed income, so I applied job at Gloco.

Another business idea would be swiftlet farming and property management company.

What do I want

What do I want.
I need to know.

Okay, I want to write my book.
I want to own a tuition business.
I want to reach 45-46kg.
I want a serious relationship, fooling around is not for me.

So now, I shall focus on my tuition business and continue writing.
Save money as well and workout.

If I get the public bank job, I will go for it.
Otherwise, I will just continue tuition and freelance writing.
And I am going to write my book as well.

I need to feel whole.
Unless the full time job is 2.8k above, only I will accept.
Otherwise, I will just stick to whatever I am doing now.

Okay.
Case close.
Easy. Simple.

Interview

I got an email requesting for interview as a writer...and I am very flattered!
I am excited as well. I will get to explore new things.
And besides the income, I can also learn about marketing.
Because no matter how you build something, you need to market it effectively.

To be honest, I lacked the confidence to develop the syllabus but now,
In this two months, I can work towards it.
No more playing and fooling around,
Listening to people's sad stories and wasting money.
I should really focus on my job and on writing.
Goal-oriented!

Priorities.

Okay. I need to set my priorities straight.

I will apply job as a freelance writer for the time being.
Then write and prepare syllabus for the tuition.
And complete my book as well.
And lose the extra pounds.

No rush into applying for jobs right away.
So I am just going to chill.

http://www.jobstreet.com.my/jobs/2012/10/default/10/1782907.htm?fr=J&src=16&srcr=2
http://job-search.jobstreet.com.my/malaysia/job-classified-ads.php?gjid=10382517
http://job-search.jobstreet.com.my/malaysia/job-classified-ads.php?gjid=10384710
http://www.millionairesplanet.com/opp_career.asp

Hello November

My lazy ass. Tuition was good last few months but now, its gonna be dry season.
Haven't been losing weight although successfully maintaining the 50kg.
Need to lose at least 2kg by end of this month.
Will sign up for Yoga by this week.

I will not be depressed over the dry season.
I will be writing and working out.
Developing syllabus for my tuition business.
I might need some money.
So perhaps I will apply job at True Wealth Publishing.

What I can do by next week:

1) Go for yoga classes. 3 times a week. Lol. Better lose some weight.
2) Finish at least 4 weeks of level one syllabus.
3) Write at least the first chapter for my book.

Task:
1) Call ptptn
2)Apply job at True Wealth publishing.
3) Ask Joanna for help with my website designing.

Progress.

I have been progressing well.
So far.
I ditched the distractions, procrastination and other stuff from my life already.
Sticking to good diet and work plan.
I am working very hard now, though it's holiday.

It's just two years.
I took a long break already.
So I need to move aggressively again.

Two more years.
I will abstain myself from relationships, drama, big vacations etc.

My focus will be mainly- my education business and me.
Will give my best in tuition and me, I will look hot.
47 kg, come on!

81354b

The Fucking Irony

The fucking irony now is that since from 2008, when I have been talking about investments, business and personality types, no one seems to really care. Their answer for the pursue of money is "Money cannot buy you happiness" or "We are still young, chill." And for personality, "You cannot generalize people."

Now when people see finally see the importance of it, they preached about it.
Well, you bitches.
I am way ahead of you guys.

Post-Exam

Just a draft plan on what I am going to do after my exam, in case I suddenly become lost :

1) Read books
2) Workout
3) Register business : Athena Enterprise
4) Clean my room
5) Prepare business proposal
6) Prepare materials for tuition
7) Apply jobs from Kumon, Qdees, Smart Readers

Have to save money and look like a poor girl.
Need to raise capital for business.
Don't touch the Rm3k.

Day 10

Today is my last day of the lemonade diet. I lost 3.6kg. I did something stupid today. I thought of "preparing my body for digestive system" so I drank "Yakult". Then, I felt like puking. The same happened few days ago when I licked a little of cheese and herbs sauce off a spoon. I drank watermelon juice yesterday and few teaspoon of asam laksa maggi soup but that did not happen to me. Verdict: I cannot take creamy, starchy, in other words, any other form of carbs or milk type food.

I thought of starting the Danish Hospital diet a week after Master Cleanse, but i think my body might not be able to take it. I am glad I have made it this far, discliplined enough to stick through the no-solid food phase, but embarking on another diet makes me a little worried about the impact on my body. Maybe I will not take on the Danish Hospital Diet, but I will practise eating food similar to that diet and exercise regularly.

Tomorrow is my first day of exam and I am on track. Need to do the remaining revision.
And I think starting from tomorrow, I might have to take only vegetables and fruits for a week. Only start taking carbs the week after, and slowly introducing meat again.

Although this detox diet may be somewhat extreme, I somehow gained some benefits from it, besides the weight loss and removing off excess toxins and waste from my body. The mental control, the discipline that I have practised throughout these 10 days, not to crave for   unhealthy food which I love such as fried stuff, creamy food and ice-creams. I felt that my throat and nose is also clearer (used to feel that mucus stucked there) I have also become more calm and not so easily irritable (although I do get cranky the first 3-4 days of this diet) And the best thing is; perseverance. Plan your work, and work your plan. It will be beneficial. And stick to it. 

No Pain, No Gain

I am at day 9 of Master Cleanse detox diet. Basically, the diet aims to remove unnecessary stuff that has been in your system. So far, I have lost 3.4kg. If I do not control my eating properly after the diet is over, I may gain all the weight back, or possibly more. This diet consists of drinking laxative tea at night, salt water in the morning and only a liquid mixture of maple syrup grade B/sugarcane juice/ molasses + lemon juice + cayenne pepper. No solid food is allowed during this 10 day fast.

Plans after Day 10:
Day 11 & 12 : Orange juice
Day 13 &14 : Vegetable soup
Day 15: Porridge
Day 16: Eating normal!
Day 17: Normal! :D
Day 18: Start a new diet plan.

This new diet that I plan to start next next week, aims to increase my metabolism and it will last for 13 days.

DAY 1: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar 
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 400 g spinach + 1 tomato 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice 

DAY 2: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 250 g ham + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 3:
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 1 slice of ham + 1 lettuce 
Dinner: boiled celery + 1 tomato+ 1 fresh fruit (apple, pear, orange) 

DAY 4: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 200 ml orange juice + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 1 hard-boiled egg + 1 rubbed out carrot + 250 g cow cheese

DAY 5: 
Breakfast: 1 big rubbed out carrot 
Lunch: 200 g steamed code with lemon juice + 1 spoon with butter 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 rubbed out celery 

DAY 6: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 1 big rubbed out carrot
Dinner: 1/2 chicken + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 7: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of unsweetened tea 
Lunch: nothing (drink lot of water, it helps!) 
Dinner: 200 g lamb steak + 1 apple 

DAY 8: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs + 400 g spinach + 1 tomato 
Dinner: 200 g roast beef + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

DAY 9: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar
Lunch: 250 g ham + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 250 g roast beef + 1 salad with oil and lemon juice 

DAY 10: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs+ 1 slice of ham + 1 lettuce 
Dinner: 1 boiled celery + 1 tomato + 1 fresh fruit (apple, pear, orange) 

DAY 11: 
Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast 
Lunch: 200 ml orange juice + 1 can of natural yogurt
Dinner: 1 hard-boiled egg + 1 rubbed out carrot+ 250 g cow cheese 

DAY 12: 
Breakfast: 1 big carrot 
Lunch: 200 g steamed code with lemon juice + 1 spoon with butter 
Dinner: 250 g roast beef + 1 rubbed out celery

DAY 13: 
Breakfast: cup of coffee + 1 cube of sugar + 1 slice of toast
Lunch: 2 hard-boiled eggs+ 1 big rubbed out carrot 
Dinner: 250 g chicken + 1 lettuce with oil and lemon juice

If you are hungry, drink water, at least 2 l/day. 
     The lettuce should be fresh. 
     The code (the fish) can be replaced by trout or plaice. 
     Coffee cannot be replaced by tea or the other way round. 
     The natural yogurt is the non- pasteurized one, without sweeteners or fruits addition. 




*Detox at first, then increase metabolism...seems like it's I am on the right track. :)
After the end of this second diet, I will eat vegetables and fruits only for lunch and anything I like for dinner.
Coupled with regular swimming and pilates, I am on my way. ;)

Flipside

It has been ages since I actually write.
But I have been through alot of changes lately, and I am still changing.
Youth is the time where you take risks and you explore, make mistakes and learn.
And at 22, this is a very critical stage of life for me.
I am morphing, changing and trying to re-create the person I want to be.
Maybe it's just me,
My craziness and insanity is difficult to take by many.

I am young, curious and sensitive.
I used to think I can take criticisms well,
But this at confusing low point of myself where I need to bring myself up,
Where I try to redefine me, where I try to make myself feel valuable again,
I do not need people to bring me down.
I may be difficult to take,
I know that for a fact,
I do not trust people easily, though I appear to be nice to most people,
And I placed high value on certain things,
And those who can accept me for who I am,
Who encourages me and stick by me,
I swear I'll do anything for them,
Even if I have to sacrifice anything; body, money,time  etc

There are people in my life that I have decided to shut out.
They meant alot to me,
And maybe because I disappoint them a lot,
They use harsh and insensitive words towards me,
And not giving me the support I need to go through this difficult phase of life.
I feel like they are threats to my identity,
I feel like they are judging me every single step I am about to take,
I feel betrayed, for opening up so much to them only for them to pierce me back,
I feel like I disappointed them.

I may be at fault for their behaviour towards me,
But I never done anything to hurt them personally,
And this withdrawal may gonna hurt,

Maybe one day, when I am complete,
I can go back to them and truly enjoy time with them without thinking about flying,
Though they might not be my side through this journey,
I would still thank them for bearing with me for a long time,
People have limits, don't they?

On a different note,
Just a quick update on what I have been doing lately.
I am trying to study for my finals which is coming very soon,
I need to score both subjects at least A- for me to hit a targeted cgpa,
In order for me to get a scholarship for masters.
My first step in maximizing my coursework marks has been successful,
I got A and A- each.

I am trying to lose weight.
After my exam in May,
I swam 6 days a week, 20 laps.
Managed to drop about 2kg and see a little shape on my abs,
But gained additional 3kg when my friends came back from overseas and all the late night supper and all the delicious food we treated ourselves with.
I tried exercising again, trying to step up my game,
But I get very hungry and most of the time, my efforts get wasted.

I see most girls lose weight by dieting.
And I tried to do the same.
I discovered this detox diet called the "Master Cleanse Diet"
Which is a liquid diet for 10 days.
The mixture of liquid contain sufficient nutrients for one to survive.
I am at my day 3, still surviving, though I can't stop thinking of food.
And yesterday when I weighed, I lose 2kgs in 2 days.
Although the half of the weight may come back once I start eating solid food,
I decided to control my intake well and choose healthier options in order to maintain the weight loss.

Besides that, I have also decided to not take the employment path,
I will embark on my journey of being an entrepreneur,
It may not be easy, but it will be very rewarding.

I know I can get extreme in the things I do,
But what's life if you don't push yourself to your limits?
If you cannot accept me, that would be something I cannot be bothered to deal with.

Don't f-

"The State Of Freedom."

I am free.
I am actually free.
Close to ten years of being in and out of relationships, (since 13 years old)
I am actually free now.

Looking back at all the puppy loves and bullshits I have tolerated,
And the kind of guys I like,
How I actually wish and idealize that they could be the one,
How quickly I picked myself up after every fall.
How I was actually "in love" with the idea of the relationship, rather than the person itself.
I am surprised.
Was I not being honest with myself all along?
Or my denials are just to get over someone quickly?
Although, I do admit, though they never lasted, I am rather thankful,
I rather them not to last.

I have come to a state where I do not care. A state which I wished to come to ever since I was 18. And now I have finally achieved it. I was a good girl, a nice girl. Never cross boundaries, honest, committed, avoid ways that could make my guy jealous, find whatever ways possible to make him happy etc. All I get in return was a guy who was bored, finds me no challenge. They found the nice girl no challenge to be with. After the relationships ended, I was resentful and angry. Because I tolerated with their flaws, in which I actually found myself being turned off. Because I made efforts to love them, though I wasn't in love with them. I couldn't find myself wanting to get physical with them too, I find it disgusting and I even thought that I had a problem.

Ever since I started this blog, I wrote about relationships, trying to define them over and over again. Trying to find "meaning" in them, trying to picture the perfect "relationship",  trying to know "what's being in love" like.

My hopes and faith in relationships has shattered. I no longer desired to be in one. Fear was only what I felt when I hear of those words. Being a girl, I was courted a few times before a relationship starts. But from my experience, the moment the "label" is being placed on, suddenly it seems like all interest and passion has died. The guy would seem distant. Instead of finding new ways to love me, a space was created. Being paranoid like any other insecure girl, I tried to close in the gap but to no avail. The ones that courted me through the normal process, the way to start a relationship is right, but the road along is only a downhill, a matter of time before it crashes. The ones I truly feel happy with, aren't right for me.

I was known as the perfect girlfriend. I am the kind of girl you want to bring home to your family and introduce to your friends. I am the kind of girl that you would enjoy spending time with. I am the kind of girl that people see "happily ever after with." Like girls who chased after jerks, like guys who chased after bitches.

Being a natural extrovert, I have many friends, girls and guys. The guy friends whom would tell me about their sad stories about girls who left or cheated on them, lean on me, suddenly looked me in the eye and tells me that they like/love me. Most of the time, I got offended. I am not your rebound, pillow case or convenience store, just because I am friendly and nice. Instead of snapping at them, I usually ignored their "confessions" and laughed them off.

I looked back again. Will I choose them again, minus the ugly history? No. Definitely not. For a period of time, I hated myself of why bothering to put in efforts with someone I actually wasn't crazy for. I am actually very particular about physical appearance, blubber turns me off. I looked at guy's hair and guy's teeth and lips. Are they clean? Are they well-aligned? Are their kissable or just some dry cracky piece of something I don't wanna kiss? Do they have body odour? I am actually also very particular about how a guy carries himself. Do people like him? Does he gives a nice powerful sense of aura? Does he know the right things to say in public? Will he embarass me? Does he dress up well? Is he good with colors combination? Is he classy? Can he match up with my style of dressing? Come on, I don't dress like those girls out there. Shorts with some spegetti top/baby tee. Is he athletic? Does he at least play a single sport or exercise regularly? Does he take care of his health well? I definitely will not fucking date a smoker. None of my exes were smokers or clubbers so far. Is he easily offended? Can he take criticism in a constructive or humuorous way?
Is he secure with himself? Will he put me above other people's opinions and other people's welfare? Is he intelligent? Is he smarter and stronger than me? Can I rely on him? Does he appreciate my creativity, playfulness, understanding, depth and all other things? Can he adore me if he sees my flaws? Can he be nice to my family though they aren't perfect? Can he be there all the time for me? Can he fulfil all my needs? Is he different from any other guy out there who just want a woman who looks pretty and stays in the kitchen? Can he actually keep up with my passion and drive in life? Is he the exclusive kind of guy, the kind that doesn't simply fall for mainstream girls, doesn't flirt, takes more than looks to sustain his interest, isn't a victim to stupid bimbotic gold diggers, doesn't easily get distracted by an attractive lady, doesn't waste too much time talking to girls (listening to their sad pathetic stories) and going out on dates with many, focuses only on life achievements and Me, in short, is he a MAN?

Looking back, those exes fulfil not even 50% of what I want.

I contemplated. I thought of leading a life, a single life where you just go out with random guys and make out with the ones you find yourself physically attracted to, with a risk of reputation being damaged. I was thinking to myself, being a girl, being someone who actually isn't so bad, who is actually attractive to many eyes, why bother holding myself back and just go out and have fun? I am young and desirable still. This may be my only moment in life, this may be just it, before I commit myself to some asshole again or to some lame boring guy.

But I know I am not that kind of person. I had dreams where I have flings with guys, but when the moment gets heated, I backed off, refused to remove my clothes and took an exit, and I feel horrible after that. Even in my dreams, I have conscience. I woke up and knew instantly it's not my kind of thing.

It seems to me that relationships are either this: 1) happy, fun but short-term 2) long lasting but boring as fuck.Why can't I have both?

I do not know how to define "love" or "relationships" anymore. The only choice I have now is to go with the flow and see what life offers.

Male celebrities that I find attractive

Years later, when I look back, these post would somehow remind me of what attractiveness means.

1. Keanu Reeves. 

First got attracted by him in The Matrix, with his coolness and calmness. Very masculine and extremely desirable deep voice. He is always wearing a tux or a suit like in The Constantine. There is where I developed my liking for men in smart formal wear.

2. Alexander skarsgard

His alpha-maleness in True Blood. Dangerous, daring and sexy at the same time. Has a very soft spot for the one he loves, which is very desirable.

3.Adam Levine

Perfect face. Gorgeous eyes. Sexy moves. He is one hell of a dreamboat.

Other celebrities that I find appealing but not as much as the three above; I think it's the lack of personality besides the good looks:

4. Jason Statham

Very physically active and action-oriented with little words to say. Masculine.

Saw him in Transporter, Crank and The Expendables.

5. Chris Evans

Liked his boyish-cheekiness in "What's Your Number?"

One of the famous character being played is Captain America.

6. Channing Tatum
Fits the perfect male stereotype. Strong, silent and always know the right thing to do.
Saw him in a few romance movies like "Dear John."

7. Ryan Reynolds
This guy is just a plain cutie. Saw him in "The Proposal" and "Green Lantern."
Nothing much to be said besides his looks.

Yeap. That's it. Most girls usually stare at girls whether in shopping malls or in the movies (I don't quite get that, are you girls secretly a lesbian??!), but I am extremely normal. In the movies, I check out the guys. In shopping malls, well...... ;)

Relationships As a Validation ( Part 1)

I have been meaning to write about this since end of last year. This post will be rather similar to Dating at This Age but in a more in-depth version of it. Of what a relationship really is to many people and to what they are searching for.

To some people, a relationship signifies the validation of a person's identity.
"Am I worthy of love?"
"Am I lovable?"
"Am I desirable?"

Like a beautiful lady a man could be attracted to besides the admiration of her beauty, the ability to secure a relationship with her somewhat lifts his self-esteem and value as well. People would look at him and ask, "How on earth could he get her?!"

Because jealousy from the same sex, his competitors, the male population is much more satisfying than admiration from a group of females. It would also somewhat reflect his class, his standards and his worth as a whole.

But for some men, it takes more than looks to secure his interest. Like the ability of a woman to hold a conversation, her sense of humour and her appetite for life.

A validation of identity.
Do people like who they are when they are with a person in a particular relationship?
Do you both laugh a lot?
Do you like doing a number of similar things together?
Do you feel like you could say anything?
Are you comfortable having the person near without a conversation?

You jump from one relationship to another.
Constantly searching for something.
Searching for yourself in every relationship you were in.
How do you feel when you're with that person?
Are you happy?
When you feel unsatisfied, you left.
Because you don't like the way you are when you are with that person.

Life is really about us.
Like for example, a man likes being around a woman who sometimes needs his help.
It makes him feel like a man.
To do the things she is less capable of.
The same goes to the ladies.
She likes a man who can make her feel like a woman.
Not a tool, not a trophy only meant to be shown off.

But some people took it the wrong way.
Some people stayed in bad relationships because they fear.
Fear of being alone, fear of losing themselves, the validation of their identity, and fear to try again.
They do not believe that it is possible for themselves to find someone else better for them.
These people disliked themselves so much that they think other people wouldn't love and appreciate them if they knew who they really are.

This explains why some women fear when she is reaching her late twenties and so on.
That she would just grab any man that kneel before for her hand in marriage.
Or why she would be willing to marry her abusive boyfriend.
A woman somewhat validates herself by staying in a bad relationship.

For men, its the screwing around marathon.
It's the alpha male's ego.
To spread their seed around town.
Behind all those joys and excitements of lust,
There lies an insecure little boy.
Sex may be just sex, what he is exposing is not a deadly tool,
But the most vulnerable part of him.
The most vulnerable part of him isn't hidden like a female's.
It is exposed.
It needs to feel loved and that others would want it.
That is how they get their validation.

We could not blame all these men and women for their actions as a result of their insecurities.
We were hardly taught by our family, teachers and society as a whole on how to love ourselves and how to love somebody.
Thanks to the media, women are portrayed as the one who always need to be saved.
So therefore, she has to act passive and submissive.
Thanks to the superheroes like Iron Man and Batman,
A man has to have luxurious cars, mansions and many women throwing their kittens around him to make him  feel on top of the world.
Is there anything wrong with it?
Not really.
Except that it creates an idea of a somewhat perfect identity one should have.

Who do you want to be?
And how do you see yourself when you are in that relationship?
Is the price you pay for that validation worth it?

If you aren't happy on your own,
And believe that you need to find someone in order to be happy,
It's time for you to check,
Love and pay more attention to yourself.

If you couldn't even date yourself,
Why would anyone wanna date you?

My Lovely Sister

I love my sister. She's beautiful and she completes me.
Occasionally, she cleans and cooks for me.
She handles all the stuff that require some handy skills.
In return, I help her with her assignments and other stuff  that requires communication with other people.
She is also very funny, and not easily affected by criticisms.
Talking to her is also nice because she listens like a dog.

Here are some of my sister's pictures. She is a cam-whore freak and undeniably very vain and attractive.

All seems fun until while taking a personal picture while lying down, after a few shots.... The phone fell and hit her eye.

Sister...I love you la... You're so funny. <3

Realization

To strive for excellence, you must be willing to pay for a price.

That might include your time, monetary resources, and even your relationships with other people.

We can never buy back time but we can learn to improve in the future.

Resources are trade-able.

To think that you can have one person by your side supporting you while you achieve your life goals is pure idealism. It doesn't happen. You can't fight for it. In the end, alone is where you will stand.

Love is an emotion, not logic

Love is a feeling, an attachment towards someone. An instant drawn towards someone. Being near to someone you love makes you feel life is okay. Without that someone, life just seem to crumble. That's why most people had downfalls when they have problems with their relationships or a break up. Some take it as a motivation to prove that life can still go on, but for the better. They say that happiness depends solely on what you are attached on. Like a child that clings on to his/her mother, to detach from the parent seem really painful.

To avoid pain, avoid attachment

Happiness is only real when you have someone to share it with. When you are at the peak, there are certain people that you want to share it with. Glory is not much of a glory when you finally stood at the peak and when there is no one to cheer you. But this comes with a price. Tendency for disappointments. To detach and to exit is the best way to confirm that life in the end, you are somehow alone.

Independence is when you can finally stand alone

It is said that organisms that depend on each other have higher chance of survival. But bear in mind that, the ones that offer you help, are the ones who are going to threaten you with it.

Feelings are important

We tend to neglect our true feelings, when we couldn't explain them, we regard them as illogical. But feelings is what make us different from other organisms. We do have survival instinct, instinct to kill and instinct to mate like animals. But we are no animals. The failure to express feelings properly is what caused misery.

We often take things for granted

It's not that we don't know what we have until it's gone, we know it's there but we just don't appreciate it. We all have our limits, and when we give too much with hope that comes with it, we can't give anymore. The defense mechanism kicks in. We built a wall. Their cries and begging are deaf to our ears. We can't hear or see them anymore.

It is crucial to have masks if you want to survive

Whoever tells you that it's better to be yourself obviously do not know the realities of life and doesn't have things coming easy for them. Yes, it is crucial but there are a few close ones that we can finally take off that plastic smile.

Whatever it is.

Realized that end of the day,

It's your own two feet for you to walk.

Hands that I have held,

Ears that have been listening,

I can confirm that

Now is the mark, the beginning.

The End

Some friendships are meant to end.

That is the stage of life.

Although I do wish and hope all my friendships would last throughout my life

To make them really meaningful,

But the fact is this.

I tried a lot, but to no avail.

Lasting friendships are not easy.

And I always think that friendships should be easy.

But I see the reality of life now.

Maybe it is true that we do not need many friends, but a few good quality ones.

And today onwards,

I will live with a new motto.

"Live for yourself and don't try anymore."

To treat people sincerely with no intentions?

What bull shit is that.

The world is realistic.

Have no more faith in such things.

Finally understood why groups don't survive to adulthood.

Have a few good friends and shall just stick to that.

Born To Die

Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Though my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I'm hoping that the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine
It's like I told you honey

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die

Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Tried to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn't find
All the answers, honey

The world does not appear in the way your lens show,

You can't make the world move with your mighty wand,

If only you realized what a fool you were,

But I can't tell you,

Because it will disrupt the nature of how life would turn out to be,

By the time you realized,

It will be too late, too late.

Reasons Why Children Do Not Listen To Their Parents

1) Parents do not provide well

2) Arguments among parents

Your sound

I was engrossed in the sound of your violin,

You tighten your grip on the bow,

Bowing on the different strings,

Fell in love with the melody.

The sound of waves hit the shores,

This is the paradise that everyone dreamt of.

I was taken back of how wonderfully you could play,

If only everyone could stop and hear you.

But in this place, there is only you and me.

I move my lips, barely making a sound,

But you could hear me,

I could sit here all day,

Just listening to your music.

I want to tell you that I would always be your audience,

Even if nobody wants to hear you.

But in this empty big space,

When there is only water and land,

Only you and me,

With the sound of the violin that fills the silence.

And the irony is that

I was deaf and you were barely making a sound.

-Inspired by Lana Del Rey haunting music-

Wise words

• mr lim's comment on "money isnt everything"

• It is my experience that if you do something solely for the money, you will not succeed in getting the money and even if you do, somehow the success will leave a bitter aftertaste or lead to some unhappiness or it will very quickly go away somehow somewhere. But if you do something for the love of it with money as coming in as a result of or a reward for the good work done, it will make the whole thing very meaningful and that feeling will drive you to do more. Money should not be the goal but the result of the achievement of a non-monetary and meaningful goal. The problem I think for most people is that they commit themselves to too much financial obligations (credit cards, expensive cars) early in life and thereafter have to do all sorts of things to get money to pay off those obligations and to make ends meet. In the scramble to catch up with the repayments, they screw up their priorities (their health, relationships, the things that money cannot buy) and end up a mess of themselves and their families. So, it is imperative that we have a longer term smart financial plan. Don't rush into buying things. Don't look too much at things. Money and possession, while important, should not be the main priority. Ultimately, and I can attest to this truth, money and possession do not give that kind of happiness, rather joy, and meaningfulness in life. Relationship for instance, I think, rank much highe

Things Never To do to An ENFP

1) Control.

2) Negative inforcement.

3) Threaten.

4) Guilt-trips.

5) Emotional manipulation.

6) Say that they think or talk too much.

7) Pressure them to express their true feelings.

8) Betray- Forgives easily but NEVER forget and trust again.

9) Don't lie. They are good at spotting liars. Once caught, never to be trusted again. Just hit them with the truth.

10) Blame and pass stupid judgements.

An ENFP will appreciate you greatly if:

a) You trust them despite their inconsistent words and behaviours. They would never intend to hurt anybody or have bad intentions.

b) Give them ample of space.

People always say follow your heart, but what if your heart keeps telling you to do the same stupid shit over and over again? what if our hearts can’t be trusted, and it’s our brains we should be listening to?
— True Blood

No Choice

Sometimes, there is really no point in thinking a lot.

I'll just have to take one step at a time and live life.

It's not like every direction I have set in the past had been successful.

The only thing I can do it, take one step at a time and look back, if necessary,

I cannot really project stuff into the future, it is too uncertain.