Everyone has a dream since young. We build that dreams in the most beautiful way as we could because as children, we have very creative and imaginative minds. And these dreams were slowly forgotten, pieces of them were remembered once in a while, then we slowly add in a little more details, probably sharpen off the unrealistic bits, we spend some time lingering in those thoughts and soon forgotten about them again. Unknown to us, our conscious mind may not spell out every single detail of our needs and wants, but our dear subconscious keeps those pieces and occasionally projected them out in our dreams. That's when we will wake up and realize something.
Some of us are eager to know how does it feels like to love and to be loved. It sounds and looks beautiful. Enough of watching and hearing about it. It's time to walk on that path, with someone holding your hand this time, picking you up when you fall down, tells you that you are wonderful even though you feel bad about yourself and gives you kisses that send butterflies and even fireflies fluttering in your body. And the best part is? You will not feel so alone anymore.
This is going to be a post about a relationship that teenagers have. Relationships during teenage years or adolescence are very memorable and sweet because it was not only a journey of searching for the right one, it is also a journey of finding your identity.
It could happen during high school or early college days. It may or may not be your first love, but it was your first real relationship. You may have felt the the similiar kind of experience from the range of 13 to 19 years old.
There is this guy who has been nice to you lately. He helps you out, calls you everyday, drops by whenever he has the chance and makes you laugh. He listens to your rants about your family, friends and studies. He gives you cute little gifts and when you asked what is it for, he claimed that it is for fun. And another thing, you also find him cute. Without realizing it, you suddenly feel "addicted" to him. You start to blush whenever he is near or when he teases you. Out of the sudden, he becomes the reason that you forward to each day. When he finally confesses to you, it's as if your childhood dreams has come true. He treats you like your princess, he holds your little hand, he hugs you and you find yourself go red whenever he kisses your cheek.
You brought him home one day, telling your parents that this is a friend who will help you with your homework or fix your computer. Your parents asked if that is your boyfriend, and before you could answer, they have already showed signs of disapproval. What's worse is, the phone bills are soaring high and they are scolding you for it. They asked who are you calling, you claimed that it's your best friend.
You told your boyfriend about the situation. He was cool enough and courageous enough. He tried to make all the effort to be the one calling and tried winning your parent's hearts by bringing them gifts during festive seasons or celebrations. He also agreed to run errands for them. You were touched and believed that this is the guy you want to spend your life with. Both of you could be Romeo and Juliet, without the tragedy.
What you didn't know is that how much trouble he has been through to get that special gift for you during celebrations and the amount of time he spent planning a surprise for you and making sure things go well. You didn't know how serious and frequent arguments he had with his family for always going out, spending money, not spending enough time with the family, expensive phone bills and using the car. He may looked like a fierce rock when he came and picked you up. You asked him what is wrong. Sometimes he just muttered that he got nagged by his parents. Sometimes he just shook his head. Then things go smoothly as before.
You also didn't know how often he thinks about you, how he describes you to his friends and the feeling you gave him. Like you were his everything. Protecting you comes first in his mind, making you happy comes next.
Time passed and soon your family starts to accept him, although occasionally warns you not to hang around alone with him too much. His family loves you, they treat you as if you are their daughter. Sometimes, they refer you as their "daughter-in-law". You refer them as your "second" family. You can't help but to feel warmth all over.
Family acceptance obstacle is over. Both of you are relieved and finally you could go for a vacation together. This is wonderful because you are always excited about going vacation with him. Pictures were taken. Lots of them.
The honeymoon period starts to fade. You start noticing his flaws. You occassionally make remarks about it. He listens to you at first, but after some time, he seem ignorant about it.
He used to call often. But now he only call once a day or leave a message. You used to spend long time on the phone, but now just a few minutes.
Conversations start to get dry.
"How is your day?"
You guys talk about good stuff and bad stuff but mostly bad stuff because there is lack of response towards good stuff.
By telling bad stuff, you get more comfort from the other half or there would be a discussion to it, and thus, have a longer conversation.
Keeping in touch has become a chore, not a hobby anymore.
Jealousy starts to become an issue.
He used to have his eyes only on you and compliment you every time you guys go out on a date.
Now his eyes start wandering, checking out other girls.
Sometimes you gave him a kick or an elbow nudge.
He just turned to you and exclaimed,
"What?"
Sometimes you sulked and he wondered why you're upset.
Sometimes he assured you, sometimes you guys just end up arguing.
He has start to become controlling too.
"Who is.......?"
"Don't go out with this guy, he is bad etc etc.."
"Why are you wearing like this? Better wear something more covered-up"
Both of you start become each other "parents".
There goes the struggle for dominance, trying to prove each other's point is right.
You get mad with each other when your other half do not understand your "intentions".
After solving every argument, things get back to normal.
They say, the more you argue, the better your relationship becomes.
But for your case, the more you argue, the less faith you have in the relationship.
You start to wonder if both of you were really right for each other.
How come you guys aren't like other couples?
You start making comparisons.
You start believing that the grass may be greener on the other side.
Break-ups do not happen suddenly.
Break-ups happen when one person has already made up one's mind after thinking for some time.
It takes two person to start a relationship, but one person to end it.
The other half who didn't put much thought that the relationship would really end, becomes very shocked.
Or either that, the other half has always fear that this would end but refused to believe it.
The one who has been thinking about the breakup waits for the opportunity, prays that one day the "Romeo & Juliet" feelings would come back.
Better still, the other half should change into a better person and put more effort in the relationship so you can once have faith in it again.
But it just happened this time. It ended. Few possible situations:
1)Arguments.
One person threatens for break-up.
Another says "Alright, fine!" and left.
The one asked for breakup stormed off.
2)One person cheated on another.
The person who cheats is the one who asked for breakup.
The other half is shocked, before he/she could say anything, scold, cry or forgive the one who is found guilty, that person has already left.
3)Mutual Agreement.
"Let's have a break for some time, and see how things go later."
Let's review each of the situation.1)Arguments
Let's put it in this way. Girl and guy are arguing. Girl was over-reacting. Guy gets very fed-up and helpless, finally he asked for a breakup. Girl agrees and walk away. Although Girl is upset that he asked for a breakup, Girl was actually waiting for this and was secretly very relieved to be finally free from this relationship. And besides, it was not her who is asking for the break-up, it's him. So it's his fault. Girl is the one that has been always thinking about breakup, she is relieved that someone has already made the decision so there is nothing left to figure out. She is ready to lead a new life.
Guy felt helpless because he did not know what to do anymore. He felt maybe it is best to give each some space for awhile. Maybe she will figure out someday. Maybe he would figure out too.
Guy thought this may be temporary, as it always has been. He never thought this relationship would really end. After some time, he comes back to her and asked back for her hand. She refused to. She reminded him that they are not a couple anymore. Reality starts to hit guy. This relationship has really ended for good. He tries pleading her, using whatever nice way he can think of to ask her to come back. She strongly stands on her ground. He gets angry and frustrated. Vulgar and mean words start coming out. He started yelling at her. Girl was terrified. But it was a reason good enough to run away.
As Girl runs away, Guy brutally throws rotten words at her as he chased her. Girl is frightened and kept avoiding him. When Guy couldn't talk to Girl, at least he could talk about her. Anything bad, her weaknesses, her habits has been revealed to most of the circle of their friends.
Girl finds out, and never want to speak to Guy again or ever wants to see him again.
Guy starts to get desperate. He could not let go of all the years and memories they had together. He start regretting for not giving enough. He wants to talk to Girl again. He is tired of talking about her. He started being nice to Girl. Girl ignored his "nice" offers. It's as if he was invisible. Not there. Guy gets very angry and stormed off. And he tells his friends what a heartless bitch she was. He could not understand why they could not even be friends.
You see, the situation is like this. Girl has made up her mind that she wants to let go the relationship. Guy cannot accept the fact. Girl uses the excuse that he dumped her to make him feel guilty and to make herself feel better. Guy's mistake was scaring the girl off with his anger and frustration. Girl made up her mind that he is not the right one for her. Guy makes another mistake by telling people about what a bitch she was. Girl decided that she never wants to speak or see him anymore.
2)Cheating
He was so close to you right now, no, not your boyfriend, that guy you have been have the "hots" for weeks. How come your boyfriend never make you feel like this? You feel wasted not being single, and with this guy now, who you set your eyes on, he has shown interest in you too.
You cannot help it, the urge is strong and the moment is right.
He leaned down and kissed you. You cannot resist, oh no, you do not want to resist. If fact, you want this. You kissed him back.
It feels so good.
When it ended, it's as if you finally knew what you wanted. You want freedom. From the relationship you are having now.
You called your boyfriend and broke down the news to him. And told him everything.
He listened and asked straightforward questions.
You answered them all truthfully. You didn't even bother to lie.
What you have done is that; you left the poor man hanging. Both of you have spent years building a ship, a ship that is meant to sail in this sea of life. Both of you are suppose to manage this ship together, but he is alone. You just suddenly left without a warning. He is still trying to make sense of what has just happened. When you left, he tried sailing the ship alone. He failed to realize that the ship is already sinking, your relationship that is. If only he wakes up and escape from the ship, otherwise he is end up drowning in the sea that both of you promise to go through together.
3)Mutual Agreement
After discussing for a long time, you have finally come into agreement with him that you guys should take a break, and explore other life options as well. There is nothing wrong with your relationship, nothing wrong with your guy as well. That's the problem.
The relationship does not promote growth anymore.
In fact, it actually hinders your growth. You spent too much time committing yourself to the relationship and for once, you want time for yourself. You want to focus more on your studies, get better grades, hang out more with your friends, pick up a new hobby or just for once, some time for yourself. And maybe, maybe you might meet someone new too. Someone who might be "The One" for you.
But you can't help feeling sad. Feeling sad of letting go a relationship which was once so perfect. Because he might just be the right one for you. What if he gets another girl and marry her?
You shake that thoughts away.
Those years you spent together, suddenly now you are unfamiliar with where you are standing now.
You wake up, thinking that you still have him.
Then, later realized it's no more.
You cried everytime you are alone, when nobody is looking.
Because someone used to be there for you and not anymore.
You never knew how lonely you would feel without him.
But this is something you asked for right?
Why are you feeling so upset?
Because you missed him so much.
You may want him back so badly, but you fight the urge.
Because for once, you are learning to grow up without him,
without having consider about anything else except for what you really want in life.
And for once, live the life the way you want it to.
Not all relationships at young age ends with a heartache. Some successfully ride into marriage.Some has made fairytales to become a reality.
Dating comes in joy and also sadness. Because if you didn't know what sadness is, you wouldn't know how good joy feels. If you never experience pain, you will never know what is pleasure. If you haven't met the wrong one, how else would you know if the next person is right? If someone hurt your feelings before, you learn how not to hurt someone's feelings.
Having a relationship at this age is a natural learning process and desire. It's part of growing up.
You can never undo the past, but you can create a more beautiful future.
You can never undo the past, but you can create a more beautiful future.
Falling in love is something you cannot control. But when you fall, bear in mind that while you're ready to feel more joy in your life, you must be ready to get hurt as well. It's part of a deal.
If you're not ready to get your heart broken again, perhaps you should let it heal and give to someone who will be worth it.
I would like to conclude that sadness, disappointment, intense anger in the relationship from situation 1 and 2 are resulted from immaturity. It's our young minds that caused us to be impulsive without considering the consequences of our actions. Thus, breaks another person's heart at the same time broke ours as well. Let's learn to forgive the ones who broke our hearts and forgive ourselves for breaking other people's heart.
It's always wise to be friends with ex-lovers, especially when it was a meaningful relationship.
Because they remind you of who you used to be. They may have already left you, but a part of them still remains in you. And that part will stay in you forever. That is the part you need to stay strong and move on with life.
Adolescent is the period where you create an identity that would last for a lifetime. When we have finally created an identity for ourselves, we will be clearer of what we want in life. Thus, eventually, finds "The One", someone whom we can truly be ourselves with.
